Tarzan
1999
I’m so depressed now. Today marked the last film of the Renaissance chunk in Disney’s history. Which means today was the last good movie Disney produced for a very long time… Sigh. But if they have to end an era, Tarzan is a good way to do it.
I am fairly certain even if you haven’t seen this particular version, that you would know the basic story of Tarzan. Tarzan was a man who was raised by apes in the jungle. He swings on vines, wears a loin cloth, the whole nine yards.
In this version, Tarzan is raised by apes for two reasons. I have never read the real version, or really seen any other movies about him, so I have no idea if his origins vary from telling. I do know that here Tarzan’s parents were eaten by a vicious cheetah/leopard/whatever thing. It’s the same cheeardver (That’s cheetah, leopard, and whatever smashed together, in case you couldn’t figure it out) that devoured an ape named Kala’s baby. Since Tarzan was out a couple of parents, Kala decided to adopt him, as a kind of replacement for her baby that is no longer.
Kerchak, Kala’s husband, or partner, or whatever apes have, does not like the idea of including a human in his family, but eventually allows Kala to keep Tarzan. He grows up to be a somewhat mischievous, but good hearted, young apeman.
Then one day, everything changes. Jane comes to the jungle. Jane is, well she’s Jane! Everyone knows who Jane is! She’s Tarzan’s girl. She comes to the jungle with her father to study gorillas. Are gorillas apes? I don’t know! If you do, tell me. Otherwise, I’m going to assume they are the same thing.
While she is there, Jane is attacked by a group of baboons. Tarzan saves her from these baboons. I almost typed balloons. I don’t think she would need saving from a balloon attach though. That’d be kind of pathetic.
After he rescues her, she begins to teach him English, and all about human culture. Eventually they fall in love. Duh.
One day, it is time for Jane to return home to England. This is upsetting to her for two reasons. One, she hasn’t actually seen any gorillas. Two, she doesn’t want to leave Tarzan. In an attempt to make her stay with him, Tarzan lets her meet his family. This makes Jane happy, but she still must leave. So Tarzan decides to go with her. This makes Jane very happy.
But alas, the happiness is not to last. It turns out Jane’s bodyguard, Clayton, is evil, and wants to kidnap all the apes. He locks Jane and Tarzan in a cage, then goes back into the jungle with his crew of evil. Crew of evil. I like that. I’m going to use that in daily conversation now.
Everything works out in the end. Tarzan’s elephant and ape friend come rescue him, and he in turn saves the rest of his family. Except Kerchek. He dies. And so does Clayton. But that’s a good death. Jane and her father decide to stay in the jungle, and everyone is happy, forever after. The end.
I think it’d be awesome to live like an ape. Swing around on vines, eat bugs, never shower. That sounds kind of nice doesn’t it? Well the first part does. Bugs and being stinky, not so much. Tarzan didn’t seem to mind that though!
This movie is so cool. It’s not funny, or heartwarming, or endearing. Well it can be, but if I had to chose one word to describe it, that word would be cool. With the vine swinging, cheeardver killing, bad guy strangling action, all I can say is this is one terrific children’s movie.
Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): My family. More people need to volunteer to watch these with me. Come on people!
Best Song: Well Phil Collins did the soundtrack. I love Phil Collins. I don’t care what that makes you think of me. I love him. And I love “You’ll Be In My Heart” the best.
Best Part: Tantar the elephant’s line “Is this water sanitary? It looks questionable to me!”
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