Number FIFTY or, THE END: Tangled

Tangled

2010

I haven’t cut my hair in eight months. I’ve trimmed it of course! But ever since I’ve seen this movie, I haven’t had a serious hair cut as I am determined to have Rapunzel hair. As I am a brunette this goal will never be able to be actually achieved. One can still dream right?

Rapunzel has a dream! Her dream is to one day see the floating lights. What are the floating lights? That’s what she wants to know! It’s just too bad that her mother keeps her locked up in a tower. Poor Rapunzel hasn’t left the tower in eighteen years. I cannot imagine being stuck in my room for that long. I think I would have gone insane. I think everyone would have.

Her mother keeps her entrapped in the tower because she has magical golden hair. If you sing a certain song her Rapunzel’s hair can heal any wound and reverse the aging process. Mother Gothel, that’s her name, is really like, a thousand years old, but because of Rapunzel, she looks only forty. Maybe fifty, I’m not good with the whole age thing.

One day, Rapunzel decides that she’s had enough, and as it is her birthday, she politely requests to her mother that she would be able to see the floating lights. Gothel refuses, and then leaves for three days to get a birthday present.

While her mother is gone, Rapunzel takes the opportunity to catch a thief and force him to take her to the floating lights. This thief is named Flynn, and he’s really fantastic! Minus the whole stealing thing. But hey, everyone has their faults!

On their trip, Rapunzel and Flynn fall in love. Duh. It’s what always happens. They also meet friendly thugs, grumpy horses, and an old man in a diaper. It’s not weird. Everyone is happy.

But they won’t stay that way! You see, Gothel isn’t really Rapunzel’s mother. Why would she actually have a loving mommy? That’s not how Disney works! Gothel stole her when she was a baby so she could stay forever young. If Rapunzel finds out who she really is, Gothel’s youthful beauty is done for.

Gothel convinces Rapunzel that Flynn is a no good dirty rotten scoundrel. Well, he is, but he was trying to fix that. Broken hearted, Rapunzel returns to the tower, where she has a sudden realization of the truth. She remembers who her real parents are. Which is odd, since she hadn’t seen them since she was two days old. Obviously she has an awesome memory. It turns out that her parents are really the king and queen, and the floating lights are lanterns flown so that she might one day see them. Once she finds out, Rapunzel confronts Gothel, who proceeds to tie up Rapunzel, saying she will never ever EVER leave the tower again. Right.

Everything works out in the end, Flynn returns, is stabbed, cuts off Rapunzel’s hair, and then Gothel trips out of the window and plunges to her death. Yay! Oh, and Rapunzel has magical tears, which save Flynn from dying. Yay! They get married and live happily ever after. Yay!

This movie is awesome. It’s cute, entertaining, has great songs, good characters, everything a great Disney movie should have.

Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): All of my family and Rose.

Best Song/Part: Today it is the same thing, “I’ve Got a Dream.” So. Freaking. Funny.

Guess what?! I JUST WATCHED THE LAST DISNEY MOVIE! That sentence was deserving of all caps. Trust me. I’ve never been more excited in my whole life. Well okay, I have, like first swam breaststroke legally. That was a good day. But so is today. Because I am done. DONE! Yippee!

These past fifty some odd days have been interesting. There have been days that just the thought of watching another animated movie made me want to vomit. But I kept on going. I think the total amount of days I skipped was four, and those were for certain circumstances outside of my control. I am fairly impressed with myself! I’m not a narcissist, just saying!

Of course, this blog did not happen only because I was determined. I had so many people help me in so many different ways, of which I am greatly thankful for. If you in anyway helped this blog come to life, by lending me a movie, watching a movie with me, listening to me complain about how much I abhorred Disney (I don’t for the record, some days, like the Home on the Range day, were particularly difficult) or anything else I cannot think about at the moment as it is one twenty six and my brain is dying, thank you so very much, you have no idea how much it meant to me. I owe you all a cookie, or pie.

As much as I sometimes made it seem like a horrible ordeal I was going through, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Any excuse to watch The Lion King must be an alright idea! The majority of the Walt Disney Animated Studio films are delightful pieces of entertainment, and in some cases, lovely works of art. I could quite literally go on forever about how each movie is wonderful. I thought about mentioning my favorites in the finale blog, but then I realized I'd be mentioning most of them. Especially The Lion King. I cannot talk about that movie 

enough.

But this was more than just a way to pass time. Since it spanned over seventy years, watching the 

official canon was taking a trip through time and learning about history through film, which is just as good a way to study that subject as any other way. I'm honestly a little bit sad to have to put this project away forever. I’ll always remember this crazy summer, and it has been my pleasure to share with you my often rambling thoughts, even though they were most of the time discombobulated. Thanks for reading! And don’t worry, I’ll be back soon with more ridiculous antics to share with the whole wide world!

Number Forty Nine: The Princess and the Frog

The Princess and the Frog

2009

I’m so close. So, so VERY close to finally finishing this blog. You have no idea how utterly thrilled I am about this. Sadly, I still have two reviews to write, so I best get started on this one.

Everyone knows the classic story of The Princess and the Frog. You know, where the frog is actually a prince, and he just needs the princess to kiss him so he can return to his true human form? Well, that is what we have here, with a few twists.

Tiana is not a princess. She’s a simple working girl, holding down two jobs while trying to earn enough money to open her own restaurant. Ha, the first time I typed “restaurant” I accidentally wrote restraint. It’s really not that funny, I guess. It just made me chuckle, but I am sleep deprived at the moment so that could be why.

One day, all of Tiana’s dreams and hopes are destroyed. Stomped on. Lit on fire. You get the picture. The building she was dreaming of owning ever since she was a small child was bought. Sort of. If Tiana can get the full amount for it within a few days, she can still be the proud owner.

However, wrench has been thrown into her plans. One night while at a ball, she finds a frog in her room. Normally this wouldn’t be a big deal, but the fact that this frog talks kind of changes things. He tells her he is Prince Naveen, and he needs her to kiss him so he can be human again. He mistakes her ball gown and tiara costume for her being a real princess you see. Reluctantly, Tiana agrees.

Unfortunately, this kiss is not one of your typical magic Disney kisses. It did not fix anything; in fact it made everything worse. Tiana is now a lovely green amphibian due to a voodoo man’s curse on Naveen.

Neither Naveen nor Tiana wish to be frogs forever. Really, would anyone want to be a frog? No. They wouldn’t. So they must travel along the bayou with an alligator/crocodile and hillbilly lighting bug as a guide. 

Oh and the hillbilly is in love with a star. It’s not weird though! It’s adorable. I swear.

Finally, after encountering many hillbillies, evil crocogators, and a voodooress, (that is a female voodoo doctor. Yes that is a word I made up, unless it is a real word, then I am just smart for knowing it!) Naveen and Tiana make it back to New Orleans. Oh yeah it’s set in New Orleans! I forgot to mention that part. Once back, they find the original voodoo doctor and try to have everyone changed back to normal.

Of course it’s not that easy. In order to be changed back, Naveen must kiss a princess. New Orleans isn’t exactly full of princesses, so this is a challenge. Luckily it happens to be Mardi Gras, and the King of Mardi Gras has a daughter! So they figure that she is a princess, and convince her to kiss Naveen.

However, once she does, everyone realizes that the clock has struck midnight, and she is no longer the princess. Oh well. Naveen and Tiana do not care anymore, as they have decided they love each other, in frog form or not. They have the voodooress marry them in the woods with all the woodland creatures watching.

But! Remember how Naveen is a prince? So once he marries Tiana, she becomes a princess! And once they kiss at the altar, they are turned back into humans! Yippee! Tiana also finally opens up her restaurant! Double yippee! Everyone lives happily ever after. Well not Ray, the hillbilly star loving lightening bug. He died.

I really liked this movie. This shocked me, as most people I had talked to abhorred this film with a passion. I don’t know why, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I kind of liked that all the magic was actually voodoo, I thought it was a nice change from nice old fairies with glittery sticks going around and saying odd words. Not that I dislike the Fairy Godmother! I just like when people switch stuff up. When you belong to a canon with fifty bazillion movies, standing out is absolutely necessary. It’s not just the voodoo that was different this movie. I loved that they really used the New Orleans setting and had it incorporated in all aspects of the film, like in the soundtrack for example. The whole movie was just jazzy, and I liked that.

Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): Katie.

Best Song: “Ma Belle Evangeline.” Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Best Part: This may sound odd, but my favorite part was when Ray died. It was beautiful. He turned into a star, and was able to sit next to his love in the sky. 

Number Forty Eight: Bolt

Bolt

2008

I kind of wish my dog was a super hero. That’d be fantastic! She could take on all the bad guys I’d ever encounter, keeping me forever safe. Who wouldn’t want to be forever safe? Unfortunately all my dog is good for is chasing squirrels and eating small animals. I still love my baby anyway.

Bolt thinks he is a super hero. In reality he is a TV star for a spy show, and to make it appear as authentic as possible, the producers have tricked Bolt into thinking he actually can shoot lasers, pick up things that would normally squish a dog, and sonically bark. Of course he can’t. He’s just a normal dog. Everyone just lets him think differently.

Until one day when he is accidentally mailed to New York. Once he figures out he is no longer in Hollywood, he begins to panic. As he discovers his “powers” are no longer working for some unknown reason to him, he really freaks out.

His panic causes him to kidnap a cat, Mittens, and force her to return him to Hollywood, so he may return to his person, Penny. Long story short, he makes it back, is reunited with Penny, everyone lives happily ever after, blah blah blah.

I know that isn’t saying much. But after forty eight days, all of these plots are starting to seem really similar. It’s beginning to make my head hurt actually. I mean, a Disney plot really has the same basic elements, and when you watch them daily, it is hard to write about them. You just to sound like a broken record, and no one wants to listen to one of those. Right?

Anyway, this particular movie was okay. I watched it only three hours ago or so, and I don’t really remember much of anything about it. This is the sign of a not as great movie. I do remember being entertained whilst watching it, but that’s about it, and I do not think that is enough. I could just be grumpy over this whole process, or it could be the fact it is super late and I want to go to sleep, but still. Movies should be memorable! That is all I have to say.

Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): Leslie.

Best Song: I have a note on this. Penny and Bolt were voiced by Miley Cyrus and John Travolta, respectively, and they sang a song at the end. John Travolta is kind of awesome (Really. Have you seen Grease?) but Miley Cyrus is just…. Words do not describe how terrible of an existence she is. So obviously, her songs would suck too. So there is NO best song.

Best Part: The lunatic hamster who truly believes Bolt is a real super hero. He almost makes me want a hamster. Almost. Hamsters in general are a no good species, and not even an occasional cute one can redeem them.

Number Forty Seven: Meet the Robinsons

Meet the Robinsons

2007

Movies about time travel always give me a headache. No one can ever really create a plot about going to the future without having holes the size of elephants riddling it illogical. But when you accept the fact that sometimes these films won’t make a whole lot of sense, you can begin to enjoy them.

Like Meet the Robinsons, for example. I can’t really discuss what happened in this movie, as it was full of twists and turns that were unexpected. Well, I’m not really sure if they were unexpected, as I first saw this movie four years ago. Being only thirteen, I don’t remember how I first reacted, or if I could even trust that opinion. I’ll just go with saying this movie was full of surprises, but if you watch it and think it’s dumb, that’s okay too.  

Besides being somewhat confusing, I thought this movie was cute. Colorful, funny at points, and entertaining, it really is what one would expect from a better than usual children’s film. The way it depicted the future really made me wish that the year 2037 would hurry up and get here so that I could use bubbles as transportation. I mean really, how awesome would it be to go to work floating in a bubble? Scientists need to start working on that project! Its message of always moving forward despite adversities and obstacles helps elevate it above typical family selections. At the same time, it wasn’t really outstanding. I suppose it is hard to live up to such high standards Disney has left for all of its films after creating ones like The Little Mermaid or even The Rescuers. And of course The Lion King, though I highly doubt any animated movie will ever be anywhere near as spectacular as TLK. But I digress. And now I end.

Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): Various people walked in and out of this movie. I think everyone I know is getting tired of Disney.

Best Song: N/A

Best Part: “I have a big head, and little arms!” Aw the poor dinosaur.

Number Forty Five: Home on the Range

Home on the Range

2004

“Home, home on the range, where the deer and the antelope play…” Every time I even hear of this movie, that song plays in my head, and stays stuck in my cranium for a very long time. This is only one of the problems with this movie.

Back in the Old West, there lived an infamous cow rustler named Alamida Slims. His name makes him sound like a girl, but he is in fact male. He caused many ranchers to go bankrupt by stealing all of their cattle. Without cattle, you can’t really have a cattle ranch now can you?

Maggie, a prize winning cow, was the last cow left on her ranch when Slims came through it. Now her owner cannot afford to keep her, so he sends her off to a little dairy farm called Patch of Heaven. While there Maggie tries to befriend the rest of the barnyard, but it is a little challenging for her to win over everyone in her new family. Particularly Mrs. Calloway, the strict leader of the farm. She does not care for Maggie’s loud outgoing ways. Basically she is a boring cow.

It doesn’t really matter anymore whether or not they get along, as the farm has gone bankrupt and will be sold at an auction, including all the livestock. Unless by some miracle Pearl, the owner, can come up with seven hundred and fifty dollars she’d need to pay the bank back.

What are they to do? Maggie knows! She decides to take Mrs. Calloway, Grace, the resident ditz of a cow, and go find Slims. Once found they’ll turn him into the law, and collect the reward money.

This here is why I dislike this movie. The plot is so udderly (Ha, because they are cows! Get it? I didn’t mean to type it that way, it just happened…) ridiculous. Three cows going out into the desert would never be able to survive, let alone capture a dangerous criminal. I don’t care if it’s a cartoon! That doesn’t excuse them from some forms of logic and reason!

Maybe if this film had some other redeeming qualities to make up for a brainless plot, it would have worked better. But it didn’t. All of the jokes were corny, or unoriginal, or just plain bad. None of the characters were really creative, just kind of flat and boring. Rosanne played Maggie, and the sound of her voice makes me want to scratch out my own eardrums. No movie should ever make someone desire to remove one of their body parts. That is just messed up.

Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): No one likes any of these later Disney movies. I don’t really blame them.

Best Song: “Where barely is heard, a discouraging word…”

Best Part: The peglegged jack rabbit. 

Number Forty Six: Chicken Little

Chicken Little

2005

No. This did not happen. I cannot believe it. As you probably noticed, this is movie number forty six. Yesterday was number forty four. I messed up. I didn’t check the list. I have a list you know. It is color coded and everything! I should have checked the list. I should have watched Home on the Range instead. But no. I didn’t. AHHH!

You know what; it’s not a big deal. Everyone is allowed to make mistakes right? Right! So I’ll talk about Chicken Little instead. It’s okay. Really! It is. I think. I hate making mistakes.

Chicken Little thinks the sky is falling, just like he traditionally does in most of his stories. In this case it really is. Not that anyone cares. They just consider him crazy, and continue to do so for a year. This makes him realize he must do something to impress everyone, including his father, who doesn’t seem to care about poor little Chicken. What’s a son to do?

Join the baseball team! Duh. Isn’t that every father’s dream? To have his son be in sports? I wouldn’t know, as I am a girl, and my dad knows that I have absolutely zero athletic ability. In case it wasn’t obvious by the name, Chicken is very little. Barely being able to hold a baseball bat, Chicken becomes the team’s benchwarmer.

Until the final big game that is. The other team had been playing quite a rough game, and broke most of the Acorns’, that’s the team name, star players. What is it called when there is only one player left to bat in the game? Because whatever that term is, that is what Chicken was up to do. Fortunately for him, he scores a home run, and the respect of the town.

It would be his luck that on the evening of his celebration, the sky would start falling again. A bizarre octagon enters Chicken’s room. Understandably, Chicken begins to panic. Freaking out even more after he discovers that the octagon has a chameleon like ability to blend in to its surrounding, Chicken quickly calls over his best friends, Runt, Abby, and Fish. Eventually, they discover that the piece was to a spaceship. This discovery further frightens the group. They try to warn the town, but no one believes Chicken Little anymore. He’s cried wolf too many times for them. However, once the aliens start to disintegrate people, the townspeople begin to believe Chicken and they too join in on the panic party.

Everything works out just fine though. Chicken realizes that the aliens are just after their baby, and once they give him back to his parents, they skip off to another planet. Everyone appreciates Chicken, and they probably live happily ever after.

Of course they do. Why can’t Disney ever have everyone live off terribly ever after? I think a good tragedy is just what this canon is missing. Why can’t they remake Othello or something? Well, maybe they shouldn’t. They’d probably give it a happy ending, like Iago and Othello would overcome their problems and become best buddies. The idea of such butchering really makes me want to throw up.

This movie was not good. It was SO predictable. I do not like uncreative plots. They make me not happy. Do they make anyone happy? Maybe five year olds. I am not a five year old. I demand inventive plots! Is that too much to ask? It is? Great. At least I only have five more movies left! Soon I’ll be able to watch grown up movies again! Yippee!

Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): My family.

Best Song: “Wannabe.” Shut up. I like this song. I can hear your snickering through the computer! Stop it!

Best Part: There was this bull in this movie, and he was the proud owner of a China shop. Heehee. 

Number Forty Four: Brother Bear

Brother Bear

2003 

I am going to be honest. I fell asleep while watching Brother Bear. You can’t blame me! I’ve been watching these movies for the past forty some-odd days. I’m allowed to go to Dreamworld sometimes! Besides, this movie was so utterly boring, I don’t think it’s possible to stay conscious during it. I’ve never been able to accomplish it anyway.

A probably very long time ago, there lived a tribe of crazy people. They believed in Great Spirits, and that killing bears that eat family members is wrong. This is what happens to Bear Man. He has a real name, of course, it’s just weird and I don’t remember. His brother is eaten by a bear. This makes Bear Man very angry, so he goes off to kill the bear. No one likes this plan, because it goes against the whole totem ceremony that just occurred. A totem ceremony is where the person will get an action to live by, like wisdom or guidance, or love in Bear Man’s case. Let’s just say when he found out his totem was love, he was really upset. I think I would be too, but I don’t really understand the whole totem thing, so I probably wouldn’t care.

Because he was mean and killed a bear, the Spirits turned him into one. This is why I call him Bear Man. Now he has to learn to be nice to everything, as a bear.

… This movie makes no sense! Or maybe I slept during an important part. But, I think this movie is just really ridiculous. How would turning someone into a bear make them appreciate things? Or maybe they just want him to appreciate bears? But why? Who cares if he kills a bear that killed his brother? Wouldn’t that be a good thing? Getting rid of a vicious bear? See! This movie is dumb.

And you know what? The brother didn’t even die! So what was the point of anything? I don’t know. The bear really did die though! That was bad, because the bear turned out to be the mom of a cub Bear Man befriended. This made Bear Man feel bad.

After a while, Bear Man decides to stay a bear, for some unknown to me reason. It’s so stupid! Why would anyone want to stay a bear? Unless they were crazy, of course. Then that would make sense. Well, maybe more sense. It doesn’t really matter, none of this movie made sense!

Besides the movie not making sense, it also was incredibly dull. A movie can make no sense and still be incredibly interesting! But when a movie is both baffling and boring, it makes for a horrible time. Unless you spend that time snoozing, then life is wonderful.

Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): I honestly don’t remember…

Best Song: N/A

Best Part: Falling asleep!