Number Forty Four: Brother Bear

Brother Bear

2003 

I am going to be honest. I fell asleep while watching Brother Bear. You can’t blame me! I’ve been watching these movies for the past forty some-odd days. I’m allowed to go to Dreamworld sometimes! Besides, this movie was so utterly boring, I don’t think it’s possible to stay conscious during it. I’ve never been able to accomplish it anyway.

A probably very long time ago, there lived a tribe of crazy people. They believed in Great Spirits, and that killing bears that eat family members is wrong. This is what happens to Bear Man. He has a real name, of course, it’s just weird and I don’t remember. His brother is eaten by a bear. This makes Bear Man very angry, so he goes off to kill the bear. No one likes this plan, because it goes against the whole totem ceremony that just occurred. A totem ceremony is where the person will get an action to live by, like wisdom or guidance, or love in Bear Man’s case. Let’s just say when he found out his totem was love, he was really upset. I think I would be too, but I don’t really understand the whole totem thing, so I probably wouldn’t care.

Because he was mean and killed a bear, the Spirits turned him into one. This is why I call him Bear Man. Now he has to learn to be nice to everything, as a bear.

… This movie makes no sense! Or maybe I slept during an important part. But, I think this movie is just really ridiculous. How would turning someone into a bear make them appreciate things? Or maybe they just want him to appreciate bears? But why? Who cares if he kills a bear that killed his brother? Wouldn’t that be a good thing? Getting rid of a vicious bear? See! This movie is dumb.

And you know what? The brother didn’t even die! So what was the point of anything? I don’t know. The bear really did die though! That was bad, because the bear turned out to be the mom of a cub Bear Man befriended. This made Bear Man feel bad.

After a while, Bear Man decides to stay a bear, for some unknown to me reason. It’s so stupid! Why would anyone want to stay a bear? Unless they were crazy, of course. Then that would make sense. Well, maybe more sense. It doesn’t really matter, none of this movie made sense!

Besides the movie not making sense, it also was incredibly dull. A movie can make no sense and still be incredibly interesting! But when a movie is both baffling and boring, it makes for a horrible time. Unless you spend that time snoozing, then life is wonderful.

Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): I honestly don’t remember…

Best Song: N/A

Best Part: Falling asleep!