Number Forty: The Emperor's New Groove

The Emperor’s New Groove

2000

Did you know that there is a difference between alpacas and llamas? Alpacas have better hair to turn into wool, as it is softer. An ounce of fiber from an alpaca typically cost about twenty dollars. I don’t remember how many pounds you get off of on alpaca in shearing season, but enough to produce a few thousand dollars of fleece. I did not google or look up any of this information, I know it all because I used to be the president of a 4H alpaca club. Shut up. It was awesome.

Sadly, alpacas are not in this movie. Their lesser relatives, llamas, are though! The main character, Kuzco is even turned into one! The name Kuzco always reminds me of couscous, a type of grain. Fun fact! I can’t eat it! Well, I guess that wasn’t really a fun fact, just a random fact. Anyway. Kuzco totally deserved his transformation. He’s a royal jerk. Really. He is the Incan emperor, and a very nasty one at that.

Do you know what the most common letter in the English language is? The letter E. Guess which letter on my keyboard only works is you push it REALLY hard? Poor Bobo.

Kuzco made the mistake of firing Yzma, an ancient evil lady with triangle boobs at her waist. She really makes your eyes hurt after awhile of staring at her. I bet that’s why Kuzco got rid of her. It also could be the fact she was trying to rule his country behind his back. Just maybe.

In revenge, Yzma and her assistant Kronk attempt to poison Kuzco. Instead they accidentally turn him into a llama, as Kronk is an idiot and cannot read labels. To fix his mistake, Yzma orders Kronk to dispose of the llama. As he is about to throw the emperor off a bridge, his conscience gets the best of him and he decides murdering the emperor is a bad idea. Too bad he’s still a ditz and ends up losing Kuzco in the marketplace.

Kuzco, still unconscious from a previous knock on the head with a broccoli bowl, find himself on the cart of a peasant. As luck would have it, it is the same peasant that earlier in the day Kuzco told that he would have to vacate his property ASAP, as Kuzco was going to build a summer house on Pacha’s, (that’s the peasant) land. See I told you he was a jerk.

Do you know how hard it is to type with a screwy E key? VERY. So I am going to make this quick. Pacha is nice, he helps Kuzco back home, they defeat Yzma, by turning her into an adorable kitten, and Kuzco learns to not be a narcissist. Yay for everyone!

I might be making a big statement with what I am about to say. I think The Emperor’s New Groove is, in my opinion, the funniest Disney movie. Out of the ones that I have seen, of course. But since I have seen forty nine, I think I can safely say it. Every time I watch it, this movie just gets funnier! I could quote it forever. “Why do we even have that lever?” “Beware the groove!” “I’ve been turned into a cow, can I go home now?” "For the last time we did not order a giant trampoline!" I could go on. But instead, I think I’ll just tell you to watch this movie. Ignore the fact parts of the story can be very predictable. As long as you’re laughing it doesn’t matter right*?

Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): My siblings, of whom I have been watching for six days now. I miss my parents…

Best Song: N/A

Best Part: “Pull the lever Kronk! Wrong lever!!” 

*Sometimes, this statement is false. A movie being funny does not always make up for a cliche story line, but this time is an exception.