Sleeping Beauty
1959
If someone asked me to make a list of my top ten favorite Disney movies, I would say no. But I would first consider it, and on the imaginary list I’d ponder for a bit, I’d probably put this movie on it. I promise that’s a glowing endorsement from me.
Once upon a time, there lived a princess named Aurora. She had a castle, a mom, some fairies that adored her, a dad, and pretty much everything a baby could ever want. Then of course, something awful just had to happen. That’s how fairy tales tend to work.
On the day everyone in the kingdom is showering Aurora in presents and magical gifts, the evil Maleficent shows up. She has the hardest name to spell, like ever. I’m going to call her Dragon Lady now. Or DL for short. DL is extremely powerful, and mad that she wasn’t invited to the party. This is a bad combination, I can tell you that.
Pissed off, DL curses Aurora, saying on her sixteenth birthday she shall prick a spindle and die. I feel like this is over dramatic, and a bit complicated, and that’s coming from me. Why can’t DL just say, “Hey, Aurora?
When you turn sixteen you’re going to die. Not from anything, you’ll just seize up and that will be the end of you, okay? Nothing you can do about it sucker!” See? Much easier, and it’s much less likely something could go wrong with her plan. I should try to be a bad guy now.
Because DL did not have me help her plan out her ways of revenge, the good fairy Merryweather is able to help change the spell, so that instead of dying, Aurora just goes to sleep until true loves kiss.
What is it with fairy tales needing to involve true loves kiss? Why is it so magical? Someone should explain this to me.
Anyway, in order to further make sure nothing bad happens to little Aurora, the fairies, with permission, whisk her away to a cabin in the woods. Their plan is to not use magic for the next sixteen years, and return her to her family after the spell should be over.
But like most plans, this one goes awry. One the day of her sixteenth birthday, Aurora is sent out into the woods to pick berries. This is just a ruse so that the fairies can finally get out their wands and play with magic again, making a cake and dress for Aurora’s birthday. They get into a fight about dress colors (blue is so the best choice) and eventually end up sending fireworks of magic up the chimney. Bad move.
DL has her crow out hunting for any signs of magic. As he is flying over the woods, he spots the house that has exploding light spewing out of it, and reports it back to DL, who is now ready to attack.
Out in the woods, Aurora is talking to her animal friends. Of course. She is a Disney princess after all. They
are not capable of making human friends. It’s a wonder they ever end up married and how do they live happily ever after? They barely know how to communicate with other people. I’m sure they are psychological messes on the inside. Disney will soon have to build a mental institution for these poor deranged princesses.
She is talking to her woodland creatures about a wonderful dream she had about her true love. It’s super convenient that in the same woods is her true love who is telling his horse about a dream he had about Aurora. The animals realize that her true love is in the forest, and lure him over. They meet, dance, fall in love, and then leave.
When Aurora gets back, she is devastated to find out she is a princess who is already betrothed to some prince. This causes her to weep for a very long time. Eventually it is time for her to go back to the castle since her birthday is almost over.
Now we find out who her true love is. Well, I think we found out earlier, but now I am remembering to tell you! He is Prince Phillip. Her betrothed. It’s so super convenient. If only in real life things worked out that well.
Once he is back at his castle, he tells his father he wants to marry this peasant girl, telling him that “after all, it is the 14th century.” Best line ever. In any movie. Ever. So off he goes to meet Aurora so they may run away together forever.
Too bad that when he gets to her cabin, Aurora isn’t there, and instead DL is with a million goblin henchmen. Now he gets to go off to the dungeon! Yippee!
At the castle, Aurora is still really sad. DL comes to her while she is in her room, entrances her, and leads her up the tower stairs. Up in the tower is a spindle, and Aurora touches it. She immediately collapses. The fairies find out, and rush to tell Phillip about it.
Here is where the story gets awesome. The fairies break Phillip out of prison. DL then turns into a fire breathing crazy dragon, and Phillip slays it. How awesome is that? Why don’t guys go around slaying dragons anymore? Don’t tell me it’s because they don’t exist. I won’t take stupid excuses like that.
Now that DL is dead, Phillip finds Aurora asleep, and kisses her. She wakes up, and everyone lives happily ever after. Duh. This is a princess movie after all. The end.
Prince Phillip is by far my favorite prince out of all the Disney princes. He is one of the few who isn’t a whimp, and he’s pretty attractive too. He’s right up there with Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid, but that’s a different blog for a different day.
Another favorite of mine is Maleficent. Well favorite villain anyway. She is definitely not a prince. She won’t let anything stop her from getting her revenge. She’s a perfect villain, an unstoppable force of pure rage.
I could go on about other things I liked about this movie, but that could take forever, and I only have twelve more minutes before I have to post this. But, like I’ve said, this movie is awesome, plain and simple.
Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): Ian. (Rose, if you are reading this, that’s right! Take that!)
Best Song: “Once Upon a Dream.” (Warning, the link is like forever long.) I love the opening. It’s pretty. Like musically and stuff. Yeah.
Best Part: Prince Phillip <3 Can I have him? Please?
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