Number Thirty Three: Pocahontas

Pocahontas

1995

Right now it is 11:36. That means I have twenty four minutes before it is a new day, and I am just starting this blog now. I now have twenty two minutes to finish writing this. Let’s see how this goes!

Well, this movie was dumb. Disney murdered history with this film. The real Pocahontas was around ten or eleven years old when she met John Smith, so a romantic relationship would have been extremely wrong and creepy, since he was twenty six or so at the time. Yuck.

Besides the fact that none of these events actually happened like the way the movie said, this movie was just boring. It’s predictable and kind of corny. It has moments where the scenery is beautiful, drop dead gorgeous in some parts, but that really isn’t enough to make me want to watch this again.

Ahhh I have nine minutes till midnight! Well, all I have to say is don’t watch this movie! Go read a book on the real Pocahontas. She was much cooler in real life.

Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): No one. None of my friends or family like this movie. None!

Best Song: I will say that since Alan Menken did the score (He also did Aladdin, The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, just to name a few), the music of this movie was pretty fantastic. My personal favorite was “Colors of the Wind.” I do tend to like the popular songs I suppose, but they’re popular for a reason!

Best Part: Meeko, the raccoon, using a hummingbird as a sword. 

P.S It's now 11:59! I did it!

Number Thirty Two: THE LION KING. A.K.A THE BEST MOVIE EVER!

The Lion King

1994

For those of you who have not read my last blog, Sparkles and Dust, I will share with you a story. Once I had hit my quarter mark, which I believe was after I watched the twenty first movie, I let myself take the next post to write about whatever movie I wanted to, one of my absolute favorites. Want to guess what movie I wrote a detailed blog post about?

Well, if you are smart, you probably guessed The Lion King. Why else would I be talking about it on this blog entry for The Lion King? So. I get to write an entire new blog on a movie I’ve already written about! Woo!

So, Simba is a lion, he is the lion prince, his dad dies because Simba’s evil uncle Scar kills him, and eventually Simba comes to rule all of Pride Rock, the lion kingdom. And Scar dies. Really. If you want to see what a summary of The Lion King looks like, click here. Yay links! They make me lazy.

Instead, I want to talk about HOW I FREAKING LOVE THIS MOVIE. SO. MUCH. I SHOULD ALWAYS WRITE IN CAPS. DON’T YOU AGREE? No? Fine.

Anyway, this movie is fantastic. It’s for sure on my top three favorite movies in the entire history of film, the other two being The Sting and The Breakfast Club. I have weird taste, what can I say.

I can say that I have an unhealthy obsession with this movie. I always have. When I was little I watched this movie daily. Sometimes twice daily. My older sister was able to understand the whole movie when she watched it in third grade during Spanish, because she had it memorized due to my fixation with it. I owned Simba slippers. I have the soundtrack, on both tape and CD. I owned the VHS, and when it died I promptly bought the DVD, which is on its last legs. Soon it will be upgraded to Blu-Ray, so it’s all good. The day my mom threw out my nightlight with Simba and the stars on it is forever engrained in my brain as one of the saddest days in my life. This happened when I was five or so by the way. I am in no way still scared of the dark and I don’t need a nightlight anymore! What? I don’t! I swear! I know better than to think a mere nightlight is going to keep away the creepy monsters that totally do come out at night. Sheesh.

Last year I even went to New York City and saw this story played out on Broadway. It wasn’t as good. Not to say it wasn’t wonderful, because it was, it just wasn’t this movie. Today I found out that The Lion King is returning to theatres, and that’s the best news I’ve heard in a while.

Do you get the fact I love this movie yet? I can keep going! I own bed sheets! However, I think you’re probably beginning to think I am nuts, so maybe I should stop…

There are countless reasons why I adore this movie. It has transitioned well for me, from loving it as a kid because it was colorful and fun to watch, to now my seventeen year old self, who enjoys this movie for more grown up reasons. It’s emotionally touching, with the death scene of Mufasa being the saddest moment in film history. Don’t even argue, you know it’s true. You even get a lovely message about putting the past behind you, something all adults will have to deal with at one time or another.

I could literally go on about this movie for pages. I could talk about how beautiful it is, most assuredly the best drawn of any Disney movie ever created. Or I could talk about the wonderful soundtrack that I can sing every word to. Or I could talk about how each character is terrific and hilarious in its own way. Or! I could just stop rambling on like a crazy fool, which is probably what I need to do. I’ll leave you with this: I LOVE LION KING!

Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): Lorna, who does in fact love this movie, but not as much as me. I don’t think that’s possible though.

Best Song: I’ve been thinking about that since I watched this nearly nine hours ago. It’s a truly tough call. I’d have to say “Can You Feel the Love Tonight.” It’s hilarious beauty in a song.

Best Part: I can’t decide that. There isn’t a part I don’t like. I love this movie. Have I said that yet?

Number Thirty One: Aladdin

Aladdin

1992

Every time I watch this movie, I realize I am a ridiculous person. This is the first of four Disney movies that I know practically every word to, due to the fact I have seen them approximately fifty thousand times. This is not an exaggeration, I assure you.

Even if I am barely paying attention to Aladdin, I still know exactly what is going on, because I have this movie memorized. I was able to successfully play several levels of Diner Dash, my new obsession (I’m so good at it!!!), whilst watching this movie, and I never lost track of the actions of this film. That’s either impressive, or very, very sad.

Aladdin is a poor street rat who wanders the streets of Agrabah, stealing as needed to keep alive. One day he stumbles upon a damsel in distress in the marketplace. She has stolen an apple to feed a small starving boy, and the shop keeper discovered her. He planned on chopping of her arm, but Aladdin stopped him, convincing him that the girl was his deranged sister. The act works, and Aladdin takes the girl back to his place. The scoundrel.

It’s all rather innocent though, it being a children’s movie and all. Soon the police type things of Agrabah find Aladdin and his new girl, and arrest him for stealing. This is where we discover that the girl is not just some common girl, but the Princess Jasmine. She has run away from home because her father the Sultan is forcing her to marry someone before her next birthday. It’s the law you know.

Even though she is the princess, the police things cannot release Aladdin, as they are under direct orders from Jafar, the royal vizier. I think that is like a vice president or something. Off they take Aladdin to the palace dungeon.

Once home, Jasmine rushes to Jafar, and asks him to release Aladdin. Jafar tells her that she is too late, Aladdin has already been beheaded.

Nope! Lies. Aladdin is alive, sitting in the dungeon. Jafar is an evil man. You know what else is evil? My keyboard. Tonight it does not want to type the letter J very much. It’s terrible, because it seems like everyone in this movie has a J in their name.

Anyway, Jafar is evil because he only had the police things take Aladdin in so he can use him. Jafar is trying to get into the Cave of Wonders, and in order to do that, he must find the Diamond in the Rough. No this is not a precious gem; it is a person with a pure heart. Aladdin is one of these people, so Jafar plans on using him to enter the cave.

Disguised as an old man, Jafar helps Aladdin break out and takes him to the Cave of Wonders, where he tells him to not touch anything, except a lamp. Aladdin goes in, and with the help of a magic carpet, finds the lamp. He is about to bring it out when his pet monkey, Abu, is dazzled by a large gem, and touches it. Spazzing out, the cave shuts it’s entrance, completely sealing Aladdin in its depths.

Luckily for him, Aladdin is trapped with a magic lamp, one that holds a genie. By rubbing the lamp, Aladdin realized this genie, who informs Aladdin that he is his new master and he gets three wishes. Yay! I want a genie. I’ll have to go rub all the lamps in my house to find one I suppose.

After tricking the genie into getting him out of the cave wish free, Aladdin’s first wish is to become a prince. He knows that the only way he’ll be able to be with Jasmine if he becomes royalty, so Genie sets him up with servants, a caravan, even his own elephant to ride. It’s a pretty sweet deal.

There is one problem. Jasmine doesn’t like the new version of Aladdin, or Prince Ali as he is now called. She thinks he’s a snob like all the other suitors she’s had. However she is quickly won over once he takes her on a magic carpet ride around the world. Let me tell you, that is the best way to win over a girl, I can promise you.

Jafar does not like that Jasmine is now happy and has chosen a suitor. His devious plan had to change now that he lost the lamp. His ultimate goal was to take over Agrabah, and without the genie he had plans on marrying Jasmine. Now that she has a suitor, his plan needs another change.

So he has his cops throw Aladdin off a cliff. Jafar thinks that fixes everything. Since Aladdin has the lamp though, everything works out fine. He uses another wish to have Genie save his life. Now he is down to one wish, one he had earlier promised the Genie he would use to set him free.

Sadly, Aladdin does not keep his word. He’s madly in love with Jasmine, so he needs the Genie as a backup in case something goes wrong, like everyone discovers he’s a fraud. This makes Genie mad, as it should. Aladdin and he have a fight, and Aladdin storms off to be presented to the kingdom, leaving the lamp behind.

Iago, Jafar’s trusty parrot, swoops in and steals the lamp, then delivers it to Jafar. Now that Genie has a new master, he must grant any wish that Jafar demands, his first being to become Sultan.

A dark cloud goes over the kingdom as this wish is carried out. Matters only worsen with Jafar’s next wish, to become the most powerful sorcerer in the world. With his new powers, he quickly tells everyone who Aladdin really is, and then forces the old sultan and Jasmine into slavery for him.

Don’t worry though! Everything works out for Aladdin. It has to, it’s a Disney film. Aladdin tricks Jafar into using his last wish to be turned into a genie, the most powerful creature of all. Without thinking of the negative side effects, Jafar is changed, and then promptly shoved into his own magic lamp, where he will stay for a very long time.

Aladdin decides to stay good to his word, and uses his last wish to set the genie free. Realizing it shouldn’t matter whether or not if Aladdin is a prince, the sultan changes the law so that Jasmine may marry whoever she wants. She obviously chooses Aladdin, and everyone lives happily ever after. Of course they do. This is Disney we are talking about.

I love this movie. It’s plain and simple. I always have, and I always will. There really isn’t much more to say is there?

Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): My family wandered in and out whilst I was watching this. So no one really.

Best Song: “A Whole New World.” It’s a classic for a reason.

Best Part: The end. For real. You’d have to watch it to understand. 

Number Thirty: Beauty and the Beast

Beauty and the Beast

1990

Finally. The time has come. I was at last able to watch the best princess movie Disney ever has and ever will produce.

The princess of this story, Belle, is a terrific character. She’s an odd little bookworm, which instantly makes me take a liking to her. Anyone who reads as much as she does must be okay. All of the other town folk thinks she’s a abnormal, but because she is beautiful, they don’t really care.

The person who really doesn’t care is Gaston, who is planning on making her his bride. He’s not too wild about the whole reading thing she has going on, but he’s willing to overlook that. What a guy. Belle of course refuses him, angering Gaston greatly. He vows to do whatever it takes to marry her.

But Belle has other problems besides the annoying Gaston. Her father is a somewhat crazy inventor, and has gotten himself lost on the way to enter his newest wood chopping device. When his horse comes back without him, Belle begins to panic.

As she should, because he has found himself locked away in an hideous and mean beast’s castle. In this castle, everything is enchanted, from the lighting fixtures to the silverware. They all talk and act human, though they are still in some non human form. This is due to the fact Beast was a total jerk to an ugly old woman one dark and stormy night. She asked for shelter, and he turned her away because she hurt his eyes. It was so not cool of him, and the hag didn’t think so either. Unfortunately for him, she wasn’t really a hag, she was a beautiful young woman. They always are aren’t they? I wonder if a true ugly old woman actually exists in fairy tales.

Because he refused to help her, she has cursed him to find true love or stay that way forever. He has a deadline; if he doesn’t find love by the time a magical rose loses all its petals, then he is doomed.

Maurice, Belle’s daddy, happened across this castle whilst lost in the woods, and decided it would be an awesome idea to just stroll right in. This is never a good idea, especially when the castle is dark and deserted looking. I’d rather take my chances with the woods. But not Maurice! He walks right in, and notices that the candle and clock are talking about him. Does this freak him out? Nope. Should it freak him out? Yep.

Cogsworth, the clock, and Lumiere, the candle, (such creative names, right?) settle him down before the fire and he gets to meet some of the other household items, such as the tea kettle Mrs. Potts and her darling teacup son, Chip.

But this hospitality cannot last forever, as Beast soon discovers him in the castle. Enraged, he throws him in the dungeon.

All hope is not lost. Belle hunts her father down, and locates the castle. Once inside, the makes a deal with Beast that she will take her father’s place. All the now animate objects are thrilled at this, as they think she may be the girl to break the spell.

But oh boy do they have their work cut out for them. Belle and Beast are probably the farthest thing away from a happy couple. Belle is unhappy being locked inside a castle where a nasty beast dwells, and he is unhappy she is so hateful of him. But with the help of Mrs. Potts, Lumiere and Cogsworth, they eventually warm up to each other.

This warmth eventually turns into love. Yay! But as they are about to profess it to one another, Belle finds out through a magic mirror that her father is sick. She tells Beast she must help him, and reluctantly he agrees. He releases her, but gives her the mirror so she may always be able to look back on him.

Once her father is found and safely brought home, Belle’s problems really begin. Gaston shows up with a mob at her house, telling her if she doesn’t marry him, he will have her father thrown in an asylum, due to the fact no one believes him about the scary beast in the forest.

Brilliantly, Belle decides to show them Beast through the mirror. This is a dumb idea, because now they want to go after him and kill him. I don’t honestly blame them, if a growling huge monster lived in my woods, I’d likely want it to be taken care of.

Off the villagers go, armed with pitchforks and fire, to kill Beast. It won’t be as easy of a fight as they thought, because they didn’t know about the whole enchanted castle thing. All of the animate objects attack the villagers, and they run away. All but Gaston. He tracks down Beast, and tries to murder him. Beast doesn’t fight back, until he sees Belle rushing to the castle. He realizes she loves him, and finally beats up Gaston.

But not enough. As Beast is going to Belle, Gaston uses his last moment of life to fatally stab Beast, before falling to his death. Bye bye loser!

Belle goes to Beast’s side, telling him she loves him. Because love is always the magical thing in fairy tales, this fixes his wound, and breaks the spell. He is now a normal human being again, as is the rest of his household. He and Belle kiss and live happily ever after. The end.

This was the first of only three animated movie to ever be nominated for Best Picture at the Academy Awards. That means something. That means this movie is wonderful. Its message runs deeper than most movies made for children. It’s the first, and possibly only princess movie to have its leads fall in love reasonably. This wasn’t love at first sight. It took time, as real love does. The fact an animated movie got that fact is kind of fantastic.

Besides the story, this movie  excels in pure entertainment value. It’s masterfully drawn, engaging, humorous, full of lively memorable characters, and lovely songs. This is a perfect Disney release, and shows why Disney has become such a respectful name in the film industry.

Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): Katie.

Best Song: I hate making decisions like this, but I’ll have to go for the cliché (but for a good reason!) “Beauty and the Beast.” It helps that Angela Lansbury sings it. It helps a lot. 

Best Part: I’d say it’s when the household attacks the villagers, specifically when the wardrobe starts cross dressing the men. 

Number Twenty Nine: The Rescuers Down Under

The Rescuers Down Under

1990

*Yawn. I’m tired. It’s hot outside, and I’ve been cleaning all day. Nothing is more exhausting than that particular combination. When you add in a boring movie, it all adds up to naptime! … Not that I slept at all during this movie. No, I would never do that. Ever. Um, anyway, new subject.

This movie is a sequel to the much better The Rescuers, which I already watched and adored. However, this film I do not feel the same way about whatsoever.

Here is a rundown of the plot. It’s exactly the same as the last movie, except it’s set in Australia. A bad guy kidnaps a kid because he wants some precious treasure, in this care an eagle, and the mice agents, Bianca and Bernard, must come to its rescue. They successfully do so and everyone lives happily ever after. The end.

Sequels very rarely ever work. Some only exceptions include the entire Toy Story franchise (best film series ever) Spiderman 2, and a few others. Most of the time I’d say they fail horrendously, like this one. It was just dumb. It wasn’t excited, it was hard to pay attention to, and the artwork was somewhat lame. I thought the whole movie seemed second rate work, especially when compared to others. When you consider that this was released during the “Disney Renaissance,” apparently one of the most popular time for Disney, it definitely falls short.

Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): Two of my little siblings.

Best Song: There were no songs, which just helped this movie suck. Lack of music in a Disney movie is never any fun.

Best Part: The end! 

Number Twenty Eight: The Little Mermaid

The Little Mermaid

1989

Mermaids are just fantastic creatures. If I had to chose what kind of imaginary odd being thing, like werewolves, vampires, zombie, ect, I think I would chose to be a mermaid. What’s cooler than being able to breathe underwater? Plus you’d get to be friends with animals like fish or dolphins. I want to be best friends with a dolphin. I feel like they’d be loads of fun and have something interesting and entertaining to say all the time.

Ariel is a mermaid! Duh. Everyone on the planet knows that. However she is a bizarre mermaid, because she wishes that she could be a human. Why would she want to be a human? That’s just dumb. We’re just not nearly as awesome as mermaids. First of all, we can drown. I don’t think mermaids can. Mermaids also make better use of things, like fish! Humans just eat them! Mermaids befriend them. This is a better use of cute little fishies I am positive.

Everyone under the sea tries with no luck to convince Ariel that life in the water is much better than out on land. She won’t listen to anyone. She longs to be among surface dwellers.

This longing only increases once she meets and rescues the handsome Prince Eric from drowning during a ship wreck. After their brief meeting, Arial can think of nothing but him. It is apparent to everyone that she’s madly in love with someone, but all her fellow merpeople think she must have found a nice merman to fancy. It’s never crossed anyone’s mind that she might actually love a human.

But she does. And Sebastian, her crabby friend, knows about it. He accidentally lets it slip to Ariel’s father, King Triton, that the man she has her eye on doesn’t have fins, but feet instead. This news sends Triton into a fit, and he decides to destroy all of Ariel’s human artifacts that she’s been carefully collecting for years. He hopes this will make her realize humans suck. Instead she just runs away.

She encounters the evil seawitch Ursula, who tells her that she will turn Ariel into a human. But there is a price. She must give up her voice, and if she can’t get Eric to kiss her within three days, then she’ll return as Ursula’s personal property. Ariel readily accepts this deal.  

As she is changed, she quickly swims up to the surface with her new pair of legs. As luck would have it, the first human she finds on land is Eric. He vaguely remembers her, as he was kind of unconscious when they met. He does remember that his rescuer had a beautiful singing voice, and he has been trying to find her for days. Upon learning that Ariel is speechless, he is saddened that she is not his savior, even though she really is. He still takes her to his castle and lets her live there.

As the days go on, Eric and Ariel spend lots of time together, and even though she can’t communicate through words, he’s still growing extremely fond of her. So fond in fact, he nearly kisses her. Sebastian and many another animals serenaded them, creating an amazing mood. It was nearly perfect. Unfortunately, Ursula’s evil eels tip over the boat they happen to be in at the moment and the mood is ruined.

Ursula, not taking any other chances, and changes herself into a human possessing Ariel’s voice. She goes up to land and hypnotizes Eric into believing she is the girl who saved him from the boat wreck. Since she has Ariel’s voice, he easily accepts this and plans to marry her that very day.

Once Ariel hears about it, she is heartbroken. Until one of her seagull friends discovers that Eric’s new bride is none other than the terrible Ursula. Once Ariel hears this news, she rushes to break up the wedding. With the help of seals, birds, starfishes, and all sorts of sea creatures, she successfully does that, and Eric finds out she is the girl he has been looking for.

But it all happens too late. The sun sets before Eric is able to kiss Ariel, and she is turned back into a mermaid. To make sure that his daughter is not held prisoner by Ursula, Triton agrees to give himself over to the sea witch in Ariel’s place. Awwww. Such a good daddy.

Now it is up to Ariel to save the merkingdom from Ursula’s insanity, which she does with the help of Eric. He stabs her with a ship’s mast. This causes her to die. Yay!

Seeing how happy Ariel was as a human, Triton decides that he shall turn her back into one. Once she has legs again, Ariel and Eric get married, and likely live happily ever after. The end.

I have one thing to say about this movie. Okay, I have lots to say, but I’ll start with this one thing. This has to be one of the best movie scores ever created. It even won the Academy Award for Best Score and Best Song, with “Part of Your World.” Of all the wonderful Disney soundtracks, I’d have to choose this one as best. Every song is memorable and beautiful. From the upbeat and catchy “Under the Sea” to the romantic and lovely “Kiss the Girl” for me these are the reasons this movie is superb.

Besides the terrific score, this movie’s animation is great too. It’s bright and colorful, perfect for its ocean setting.  The characters are drawn rather well, and this movie I’d say serves as a reminder that animated films can be art too.

With those things in mind, along with a delightful story full of cherished characters, they all add up to one of the very best movies Disney has to offer.

Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): ROSE! And some of my siblings were there too.

Best Part: The chief who attempts to cook Sebastian. He’s a completely out of his mind French cook, and he’s hilarious.

Best Song: This is a tough one, but I’d have to go for “Kiss the Girl.” It’s probably my favorite Disney song in any of their movies. 

Number Twenty Seven: Oliver and Company

 Oliver and Company

1988

I’m never going to be able to escape this story. In my last blog, I had to watch Oliver! the musical version of the classic novel Oliver Twist, by Charles Dickens. In ninth grade I had to read the actual novel multiple times. And now I get to watch the animated version. Oh joy.

It could be worse though. It could be a story I don’t like whatsoever, like Twilight! I’d complain quite a bit if that were the case.

This time around Oliver is a pathetic kitten living on the streets of New York City. Dumped in a box with a dozen or so other kittens, he was the only one not picked. Poor little guy. I would have taken him home! But alas, he's not real. So off he must go to wander the streets of NYC all alone.

Until he meets Dodger, a sunglass wearing dog, played by BILLY JOEL! Billy Joel is one of my favorite musicians ever and I don’t care what anyone else’s opinions on him are, I love him and always and forever will.

So anyway, Billy Joel (or Dodger, whatever) teaches Oliver some of the ways of the street, and Oliver follows him back to his place. There Oliver meets some other street dogs who live with Dodger and Fagin. Fagin is the “owner” of all these dogs, and he uses them to help pickpocket the people of the city.

Unfortunately for Fagin, he has run into a problem. He borrowed money from one of the most vicious men, Sykes, in the whole city, and possibly the whole world. He’s quite nasty, demanding that Fagin must pay him back immediately the amount that he owes, which apparently quite the hefty sum.

Since Fagin is just a lowly thief, he has nothing to pay Sykes at the moment. Angry, Sykes gives him three days to come up with the money, or else. Dun dun DUNNNN.

While out around the street the next day, the gang decides to use Oliver to help out in their devious ways. In a scheme gone wrong, Oliver winds up tangled in a car’s electrical wires. Luckily for him, the occupant of the car, Jenny, is a kind young girl who takes him to live with her at her fancy apartment. Oliver is really okay with this new change in situation, and begins to enjoy the easy life.

All of Fagin’s dogs however have come to the conclusion that Oliver was kidnapped and that they must rescue him. With the help of Jenny’s pet poodle Georgette, who absolutely despises Oliver, the dogs are successful at taking him away from his new found home and back to their hideout.

Once back, Fagin observes that Oliver is in possession of a new collar. This collar states his address, which Fagin notices is in the upscale part of the city. This leads Fagin to determine a brilliant way to get the money he owes Sykes is put a ransom on Oliver. He writes the owners a note and waits for them to come.

Heartbroken at the loss of her new friend, Jenny receives the note and takes her piggy bank full of all of her life savings to the place Fagin told her.

However, once he sees that it’s just a little girl, Fagin softens up and “finds” the kitty for her, making Jenny elated. This infuriated Sykes though. He goes off on a rampage after he realizes that Fagin won’t be paying up, trying to run everyone over with his car. As this he is going bezerk, he runs his car into a train and dies. Oh well.  

Now that Sykes is out of the picture, everyone can return to living the life they want! For Oliver that means going back to Jenny, and for the rest of the dogs that means going back to the streets. Yay? The end!

Well. Did I mention that Billy Joel is in this movie? Because AAAAHHHHBILLYJOELISINTHISMOVIE!!!!! I don’t care if I sound like a deranged fan girl, because that’s pretty much what I am!

Other than that fact, this movie is not that great. It’s kind of boring, and it doesn’t do justice to the book it was “based” on. Dickens was probably rolling around in his grave after this movie came out. The art isn’t very memorable, and overall neither is this movie.

But oh my goodness. Billy Joel. Eek!

Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): My whole family this time! Including my dad for the first time this blog! Oh and Leslie was there too.

Best Song: “Why Should I Worry?” Um. It’s sung by BILLY JOEL! ‘Nuff said.

Best Part: BILLY JOEL. He was in this movie! Yay!

Number Twenty Six: The Great Mouse Detective

The Great Mouse Detective

1986

When I was very young, I drove one of my aunts absolutely nuts. How did I do this? Every single time I went to her house, which was practically every day, I demanded that I watched The Great Mouse Detective. I guess I was a bit of a brat when I was five. Eventually my poor aunt became sick of watching the same movie day after day after day, so her solution to fix this problem was to give me her copy of the film. Let me tell you that had to be one of the best days of my life.

For those of you who have never seen or heard of this movie, I feel really sorry for you. I know it’s a lesser known Disney film, but it’s one of my personal favorites. I highly recommend going out RIGHT NOW and watching it. Don’t worry about finishing reading my blog! Just go do it! For those of you who have seen this, or who are losers and are not following my advice, you may read on.

This tale is a creative spin of the classic Sherlock Holmes mysteries. So basically, what Disney did is they took a fantastic literary character, made him a mouse, and stuck him in a children’s movie. I know that sounds ridiculous, but the results were spectacular fun.

Basil is the name of this great mouse detective. He’s brilliant. Extremely brilliant in fact. He is able to deduce practically anything about a person within moments of meeting them. Because of all of this, he was able to build a fairly awesome reputation for himself.

A little girl named Olivia hears about him, and decides she must hire him to find her father. Her father, Flaversham, is a toy maker. I wish my dad was a toy maker! That’d be so awesome; it’d be like having Santa for a father.

Anyway, Flaversham was kidnapped by the evil Ratigan. He’s a rat. Really! But he thinks he’s a mouse. Or he wishes he was a mouse. Something like that, because if you dare call him a rat, he’ll feed you to his pet cat. He’s a vicious rat. That's right! I called him a rat. I'm so brave. 

With the help of his new found friend, Doctor Dawson (Yes, the mouse version of Watson, duh.) and Olivia, Basil must stop Ratigan from his dastardly plan before it’s too late!

What’s his devious scheme? And how do they stop him from carrying it all out? Well I’m not going to tell you! That would ruin this terrific movie if you hadn’t seen it. Which if you haven’t you really need to go do. Right now.

Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): Well, Abigail, Kipp, Ruby, and Rose all watched parts of this movie with me, but the only person who watched the entire film with me was Mr. Dunn. Yay Mr. Dunn!

Best Song: “The World’s Greatest Criminal Mind.” The only other song was about some kind of harlot mouse, and it was very odd.

Best Part: Ahh! That’s too hard of a decision! When Basil escapes from the trap? Or the juggling octopus? Possibly the drunk Dawson? Too many choices. Just go watch it and make your own opinion. 

Number HALFWAY THROUGH! Or Twenty Five: The Black Cauldron

The Black Cauldron

1985

Today, you all are in for a treat. But let me explain first. Last night, I watched this movie, The Black Cauldron, with two of my friends, Erin and Jessica. As I had never seen this movie before, I should have paid more attention to it. But I was distracted. Erin however, was deeply into this movie, and was able to explain in great detail what occurred. Therefore, today’s summary of The Black Cauldron is not written by me, but by Erin! Oh and for the record, I do know what happened in this movie! It involved a pig and a guy with horns and fairies and an apple. Oh and magic glowing sword and a cauldron, that if you jumped in it would go POOF and then come back. Yeah. This is why I’m not writing about it.

“Okay. So Taran wants to become a warrior (This is Kelsey, in all the bold words. Taran is the main character. We like him). His magic pig shows his master (Not Taran, a guy with odd eyebrows) when she (The pig) sticks her head into a basin of water, that the black caldron (It’s magical) is being hunted down by the Horned King.

The Horned King knows about the pig and its magical powers and wants to pig so that he can use Hen Wen's powers to find the caldron. You know, to take over the world. The pig foresees this and an image of the pig's vision is displayed in the water basin. So then the pig master (Eyebrow man) tells Taran that he needs to hide the pig and that he'll meet with Taran and the pig there soon.

Well, along the way to the hide out place, the pig runs off. UH OH. So Taran pulls out an apple and yells HEN WENNNNNNNNNNNNNN! But the magic pig doesn't respond. UH OH. Well Taran runs into a little fuzzy yeti creature (He’s so cute, and impossible to understand) and the little fuzzy yeti creature wants the apple. So it tells Taran that he'll be his BEEEEEEST friend (I guess he said that, it’s kind of hard to figure out what comes out of his mouth sometimes)if Taran gives him the apple. THEN TARAN SPOTS THE PIG BEING CARRIED AWAY BY DRAGONS! UH OH! (OM NOM NOM)So Taran runs after it (with the apple) and the yeti follows. When the pig is flown off of a cliff and towards an ominous castle, Taran gets so pissed that he throws the apple to the yeti and storms off, towards the ominous (Good word choice Erin!) castle. The yeti is sad that his new best friend doesn't like him and he'll never see Taran again. Blah.

Apparently the long walk to the castle took only a second for Taran because he is scaling the rocks in the next shot. Taran sneaks into the castle and sees a bunch of creepy dudes and a little green goblin creature partying. There's a dancing woman – freaky (She’s so ugly. She’s burned holes in my brain by looking at her). Taran is hiding out on the support beams above the whole shindig when in walks the Horned King (ooooooooooooooooo) (He looks like a skinless devil).

The king sits down on his throne and the goblin tells the king that they have the pig. So they bring in the pig. The king orders the pig to stick its nose in a bowl of water and tell him where the caldron is. When the pig refuses, it's brought to this stone to have its head cut off (BACON TIME!). That apparently doesn't fly with Taran who then falls off the support beam and shouts “NOOOOOOOOOO!”

The king puts two and two together and says "This is your pig. Order it to show me where the caldron is." Then Taran is like "NUH UH. I WAS TOLD NOT TO." So then the king goes "Oh. What a shame. GET THEM."

BUT WAIT -- theres more. Taran goes “OKAY OKAY OKAY I'll make her show you!” So he does. Then something goes wrong and the guards start to chase the pig and Taran. Taran throws the pig off of the castle and into a moat and he himself gets thrown in prison. Then some blonde chick who claims to be a princess comes through a hole in the ground and says "HAAAAAAY WANNA EXPLORE THE CASTLE WITH ME AND MY BEST FRIEND -- THIS LIGHT SPECK?" and he's all like "SUUUUURE!" then when they're (the princess and Taran) exploring the underground, Taran comes across a magic sword. Who woulda guessed it? They find some musician (who's a TERRIBLE musician) (For. Real. Every time he talks his little lyre explodes) tied up and they go untie one of his hands. Then they're (sadly and oh so predicatively) discovered. Oops.

So they're running and running and then the magic sword explodes the ugly guard's sword. Oops/yay. Then they get to the draw bridge with tons of people chasing them and the musician shows up and the princess goes "OH. WHY DON'T YOU CUT THE CHAIN LOOSE?” (YAY LOGIC!) So they do and they escape  then the musician's pants get ripped, so the princess mends them while Taran polishes his magic sword and the musician hides behind a bush.

They find the pig and hide him underground somewhere. Then they find the witch's house and the little fluffy yeti guy shows up somewhere before this. The witches give them the caldron in exchange for the sword (which I'm sure broke Taran's heart). Then the Horned King gets a hold of the caldron and stuff goes wrong, people come back from the dead, blah blah blah (So descriptive Erin). The yeti sacrifices himself into the caldron and the dead people die (Ha, that’s funny, because they were dead, and then they die again!). Then the Horned King and Taran fight each other and the king ends up dying. BUT WAIT. IT'S *STILL* NOT OVER. (Whaaaat?)

The three friends (and the pig who somewhere along the way popped up) are all mopey and depressed because the annoying yeti died  (I thought he was cute…)and the caldron is floating in the middle of the ocean (Why does it keep coming back?). The witches appear in the sky and want to trade the sword for the caldron (I think...) but Taran refuses the sword and they trade something else and end up getting the yeti back. Then Taran and the princess kiss and all is well. THE END. (YAY!)

Okay, it is Kelsey again. Wow. I’m just, wowing at what is written up above. I’m not sure how to respond to it, besides giggling. A lot.

As for the actual movie, it was meh. It’s definitely not my favorite of the Disney movies. It doesn’t even feel like a Disney movie, it was creepy and dark. So, I am going to go with not liking this film.

Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): Jessica and Erin (giggle).

Best Song: Not a musical, so N/A.

Best Part: The really bad musician, because every time he lied, his lyre flipped out.