Number One: Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

1938

I really hate Snow White. She is by far my least favorite of all the Disney princesses. She reminds me of vanilla pudding, the weird kind that has no taste and you always regret eating. I mean what does she do? She cleans. Happily. Too happily. I don’t understand how anyone can enjoy cleaning that much. I personally hate it. I have never tried it with woodland creatures as assistants, so maybe that is the key. Though, in real life I seriously doubt that a deer would be of any use when trying to do the dishes, but it could 
be worth a shot!

I’m almost one hundred percent sure that everyone who is reading this has seen this movie approximately eighty thousand times, so you know the story. There is the typical evil stepmother, a Prince Charming, true love’s kiss, and happily ever after. You know, the usual stuff.

Evil Stepmother is “pretty.” The movie says so anyway. I think she’s actually quite hideous, especially in the latter half of the film, but hey that’s just my opinion. ES owns a magic mirror that hangs on the wall and bursts into flames when you talk to it. When I was little, I remember Magic Mirror terrified me. My three year old sister who watched it with me for the first time today said “That was really creepy.” She has also said she never wants to watch this movie again, but we will see how that goes.

ES asks Magic Mirror the famous question. “Magic mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?” Magic Mirror is a complete jerk and says that ES’ stepdaughter, Snow White, happens to own that title. Enraged, ES orders her hunter to go find Snow White and cut her heart out.

Um. I don’t understand ES’ logic here. She is in the possession of a magic mirror. Later in the film we find she has a whole basement dedicated to potions and “cookbooks” for spells. Wait, those are called spellbooks. I think. Whatever. My point is why didn’t she just use a spell that would turn her into the most beautiful woman on the world? Or why not make the potion she uses later to turn herself into a ugly hag on Snow White? Why immediately hire a hitman to take out your stepdaughter? Only five minutes into this film and we already have issues. Sigh.

While ES is plotting her demise, Snow White is cleaning away. She’s scrubbing up the courtyard of the castle, singing away. Prince Charming just happens to be riding by and hers her voice, and is instantly entranced with her. He jumps over the courtyard wall and begins to sing with her. As most people would do when a strange singing man suddenly appears uninvited in your yard, Snow White screams and runs inside. This does not deter Charming. He simply stands outside her window and continues to sing. She hears it and becomes totally smitten with the creep.

Boys, never ever ever EVER stand outside some girl’s window and sing. I know it all works out in movies, but in real life it’s just awkward and sometimes just creepy. It could also land in cops showing up, and that is never good, so just don’t.

Now it is the next day. Snow White is in the field picking flowers. Somehow she was able to get a really nice dress. This is one thing I never understood. She is kept as a servant and usually wears this dress patched together with rags. And now she wears the classic Snow White dress. Where did it come from? I bet she stole it. I guess she isn’t as innocent as she appears! As she is singing (of course) the hunter comes up with the huge knife behind her, ready to stab her heart out. She turns around and gives a little cry. The hunter is overcome with emotion and tells her to run away since ES wants her dead. So off she goes into the creepy forest, where the trees look like monsters that want to eat people.

After a while, she falls down and goes to sleep. She wakes up to a menagerie of woodland creatures. Raccoons, deer, chipmunks, birds, even a turtle! All of them are just adorable. They make the movie. They lead her to a cabin located in the woods. When they get there, Snow White decides it’s totally okay to just walk into a stranger’s house uninvited, and does exactly so. Upon entering, she notices it is extremely dirty. So she gathers up all of her animal friends, and cleans. Whilst singing, of course.

Off in a diamond mind, we meet the seven dwarfs, Doc, Happy, Sneezy, Sleepy, Bashful, Grumpy and Dopey. Here is another thing I never understood. If they are diamond miners, why do they live in a tiny two room cabin? Surely they can afford a castle, or at least a house with a bedroom for all of the, right?

They realize it is quitting time, and head home. When they arrive, they notice that their house has magically been cleaned. This freaks them out quite a bit. If I arrived home and saw that my house had been thoroughly cleaned, my first thought would be “Awesome!” not “Oh no there is a monster in my house!” Silly dwarfs.

They wander upstairs and discover Snow White. They make introductions and decide to be friends. Aww how nice.

Back at the castle, convinced Snow White is dead, ES again asks the Magic Mirror who is the fairest. Magic Mirror again says Snow White. ES throws a hissy fit and decides to disguise herself as an ugly old lady and poisons and apple to give to Snow White. I feel like this is an elaborate plan, but I’ll let this one slide.

The dwarfs go off to work again, leaving Snow White at home to cook and clean. She couldn’t be any happier. She soon gets a visitor! I bet you can guess who it is. ES tells Snow White the apple she has is a “magic wishing apple.” Snow White believes her, wishes Charming would love her, takes a huge bite, and falls to the ground, “dead.”

The woodland creatures were aware this lady was up to no good, and drag the dwarfs home. ES sees them and runs up to a cliff. As she is trying to push a bolder onto the dwarfs, the ground she is standing on it hit by a lightning bolt and she falls to her death.

The dwarfs think about burying Snow White, but decide she is pretty to look at so they keep her in a glass coffin for nine months. This is just so wrong. Even though she is not really dead, I'm sure being kept in a coffin with no oxygen for nine months would have killed her off. Prince Charming hears about this, and visits. Because he’s apparently a nasty necrophiliac, he decides to kiss the seemingly dead Snow White. Of course she wakes up as it is love’s first kiss, which fixes everything, and they go off to get married and they live happily ever after.

I know it sounds like I hate this movie. But I don’t at all. I like this movie a whole lot. I can appreciate what it has done for film and how groundbreaking it was at the time. It has stood the test of time for a reason, and that is because it really is a wonderful film. It just some details that are typical of a fairy tale one might find a bit odd. Plus this movie has introduced us to classic characters that everyone loves, or loves to hate, such as Grumpy, the Evil Queen, a magic mirror, even Prince Charming (the Disney version). I’d say this movie has well earned its spot in history as a classic. However, this does not change the fact I completely loathe Snow White. 

This paragraph does not apply to this particular film, but it’s something that is going to apply to all the movies to come. I have decided at the end of each blog to say three things instead of doing a rating thing. I’ll say who I watched this with, so they feel special, the best song (if applicable, which it usually is) and my favorite part. So here it is for Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): Katie, Kelton, and Kassy

Best Song: “Heigh Ho!” Duh.

Best Part: The turtle trying to climb up the stairs using his teeth. This movie is worth watching if only for that scene.