Number Four: Dumbo

Dumbo

1941

Did you know that elephants are the only land animals that can cry tears of emotions? Well you do now! Elephants are truly fascinating creatures. Their trunks are sensitive enough to pick up a single blade of grass! 

They also produce eighty pounds of poop per day. It’s kind of disgusting actually.

Elephants have always been my favorite animal, mainly because of this movie. Dumbo has got to be the cutest thing in the history of all animated films. The fact he has large ears and uses them to fly just makes him even more endearing.

The movie opens with a stork invasion. Storks are delivering babies to a circus. I want to be a stork. It would be so much fun! Sometimes it would be so awesome if reincarnation was real, because if it was I could actually have a chance at this wish coming true.

All of the mommy animals are delivered their various adorable fluffballs, all except for Mrs. Jumbo, one of the elephants. She is expecting one, and it is nowhere to be seen.

But not to worry! Her stork is just a little lost. He can’t find his way around Florida you see. After he makes a quick stop on a cloud to straighten himself out, he successfully locates Mrs. Jumbo and gives her a bundle.

In the bundle is the most precious thing anyone has ever seen. All the other elephants are total jerks and make fun of Jumbo Juinor, as he is referred to by his mother. The evil elephants meanly rename him Dumbo, because of his abnormal ear size. Mrs. Jumbo doesn’t care  about them, she thinks he still lovely.

Unfortunately, everyone else seems to agree with the other elephants, and even the public teases him. Mrs. Jumbo can no longer take it, and starts beating children. This is an obvious problem for the circus, and the workers lock her up. To be extra cruel, they put her in solitary confinement.

Of course, this all saddens dear little Dumbo. It all gets worse when he goes to perform with the other elephants, trips on his ears, and ends up taking the whole big top down. Because of this mishap, he is demoted to being a clown. *Shivers.

I hate clowns. All of them. When they try to talk to me at circuses, I quickly walk away. I want nothing to do with them. They are stupid and not funny and are probably axe murders in their spare time. This movie just further cements the idea that clowns are the scum of the earth. (If any clowns out there are reading this, please take personal offense to this, I hate you and wish you didn’t exist.)

The terrible clowns dress Dumbo up and then stick him in a burning building. After running around like crazy men, which they are, they attempt to use gas to put the fire out. This isn’t funny, this is a public safety hazard. Idiots. To top it all off, they push Dumbo out of the building into a trampoline thing filled with pie filling. Poor little guy.

To cheer him up, one of Dumbo’s friend, Timothy the mouse, takes him to go visit his mother. Since she is in prison, she can only reach out her trunk to touch him, but that’s enough for Dumbo. That scene is so sad and touching. If it doesn’t move you, obviously your heart is made of stone.

The stupid waste of space clowns start to drink and party after their show, and accidentally knock a bottle of champagne into Dumbo’s water. He and Timothy have a nice long drink, and get totally hammered.

While intoxicated, they begin to play with bubbles and hallucinate pink elephants everywhere. It’s super 

trippy. Eventually they both fall asleep.

They are discovered high up in a tree by some crows. Once awoken, neither Timothy nor Dumbo believe what this group of birds has to say as to how they came to be in the tree. They say that Dumbo flew up. But that’s impossible, because he’s an elephant! Or is it?

The crows decide that in order for him to believe that he can actually fly, Dumbo needs to possess a magic feather. Once he is given this magic feather, Dumbo’s confidence is boosted and he gives flying a whirl. It works! He can fly! Even after losing his magic feather during another clown act, he still is able to fly, and does so forever after. His momma is let out of prison and he lives happily ever after.

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. This movie is the cutest thing ever. In no way is it anything like other Disney movies when it comes to the actual art and drawing, but it sure makes up for it in cuteness. This movie has fueled my elephant collection. Even to this day I still collect pink elephants. Stuffed ones, plastic ones, even crystal ones. All of them are extremely sweet and adorable, just like this movie. <3

Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): Family plus Leslie

Best Song: I know, everyone would say “Pink Elephants on Parade.” But if I am truly going by song quality, I love “Baby Mine.” So sweet, and so perfect.

 Best Part: See this is where I would put the crazy dream/hallucination sequence. It’s creepy and trippy and fantastic. And watching two innocent animals get drunk is just a little bit funny.  

Number Three: Fantasia

Fantasia

1940

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!”

That is the thought that I woke up to, after remembering that today’s movie was Fantasia. The last time I saw this movie, I couldn’t have been any older than six or seven, and I recall being bored beyond belief. To even further appear torturous, I discovered this movie is a full two hours, which is just not cool. It should be illegal for movies without words to be that long.

But I sucked it up, roped one of my best friends and her family into watching it with me, and settled in for this seeming snooze fest.

Fortunately, this movie was not as bad as I remembered it to be. It is not in any way my new favorite Disney movie, but still, it doesn’t make me want to poke my eyes out with blunt sticks anymore! I’d say that’s an improvement.

All this movie is are classical songs put to fun and sometimes bizarre cartoons. Sometimes to cartoons have a storyline, like the famous The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, in which Mickey Mouse accidentally creates hundreds of live broomsticks who flood his master’s chambers. Others make absolutely no sense and are just pretty to look at. They range in subject from fairies to mythology to a story on evolution to depictions of Heaven and Hell (That last one was completely terrifying). Oh and one about a dancing hippo. That was pretty hilarious. I would have never guessed a hippopotamus could be so graceful and light on her feet.

The reason anyone would ever watch Fantasia I think  is because it is simply beautiful. Using classical music as the sound effects and soundtrack to stories is pure brilliance. This movie paved the way for many future films. You can clearly see evidence of what is to come. I’m sure movies like Beauty and the Beast and Hercules drew inspiration for their animation from this movie.

That all being said, I would probably not watch this again. I can’t imagine thinking to myself one day, “You know what I movie I really have a strong urge to watch today? Fantasia! I would just love to watch a movie with no words that is two hours long! I can’t fathom a better way to spend my day!” Yeah not going to happen. Even though I won’t be revisting it, and even though I am convinced this guy is now going to show up in my closet tonight, I am quite happy I rewatched it.

Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): The lovely Poole girls.

Best Song: Tchaikovsky’s “Nutcracker Suite.” This is probably one of my favorite classical songs ever. It’s just so pretty.

Best Part: When the ballerina elephant can’t get out of the bubble she’s floating around in. The idea of an elephant being unable to pop a bubble is just hysterical to me. 

Number Two: Pinocchio

Pinocchio

1940

When I grow up, I think I should become a conscience. Don’t you think that would be a fantastically fun job? Telling people what is right, yelling at them when they choose to do wrong, I think it would be a blast! Unfortunately, no one really likes their conscience. They can be obnoxious little creatures I suppose. But not me! I’d be the best conscience anyone could ever wish for.

Well maybe not the best. I do believe that title should go to Jiminy Cricket, the poor conscience of Pinocchio. 

He has a seriously rough job, but is still able to keep Pinocchio on the straight and narrow. Most of the time. Sometimes it can be challenging when things like anthropomorphic  foxes and offers to go to Pleasure Island are around.

The film opens with Jiminy breaking into a complete stranger’s house. I feel like this is reoccurring theme in Disney movies that it is totally fine to break into someone’s house is not the best message to be sending, though I feel that way about a lot of the messages, so we’ll just ignore this.

This complete stranger goes by the name of Geppetto. He is a simple woodcarver, who makes a variety of creations, such as clocks, music boxes, and of course puppets. One particular puppet is so incredibly life like Geppetto wishes it could become a real boy. This puppet is named Pinocchio (duh). Off he goes to bed with his cat, Figero (quite possibly one of the most underrated characters of all time).

Luckily for Geppetto, his wish is heard by the Blue Fairy. She shows up and goes POOF Pinocchio, making him come to life! However, he still is not a real boy. He just talks and walks and does everything else like a human! So not real.

In order to become a “real boy” Pinocchio must learn to be brave, truthful, and unselfish. To do so, he must have a conscience. Jiminy Cricket happens to be around, and explains what a conscience is to Pinocchio. “A conscience is that shrill voice people don’t listen to.” That pretty much sums it up, but he goes on to say it is what tells you what is right and what is wrong. Since he’s so good at knowing what it is, the fairy asks Jiminy if he would be Pinocchio’s conscience, to which he agrees.

Little did he know it would be a difficult task indeed. Pinocchio, after being discovered by the thrilled Geppetto, is told he must attend school in order to “get smart.” Off he skips the next morning, books in hand, with his conscience right behind him.

Out in the town, the anthropomorphic (best word ever) fox mentioned above is lurking about with his pal, a cat. With a name like Honest John this fox can be up to no good. He sees Pinocchio and is immediately thinking of ways on how to profit from a live puppet. Honest John tells Pinocchio the quickest and easiest way to success is not school, but the THEATRE. I so agree. Theatre > school any day of the week.

Pinocchio, forgetting all about his conscience, runs off with the pair of devious animals and begins to star in Stromboli’s puppet show. Immensely he enjoys this, until he soon realizes that he is practically a slave, not allowed to ever return to his father. The evil Stromboli shuts him up in a cage. Poor Pinocchio.

I JUST REMEMBERED. Geppetto has a sweet moustache. This really has no relevance to the story whatsoever, but I felt like it needed to be shared.

Anyway, Pinocchio is obviously upset. The Blue Fairy arrives again and asks what on earth Pinocchio is doing in a cage. He builds an elaborate story so she won’t know that he skipped school. As he tells his lie, his nose begins to grow. And grow. And eventually sprout a bird’s nest, complete with a cute little bird family. The fairy is no dummy and notices. She tells him lying is bad and makes his nose grow. Well, duh… She fixes his nose and tells him to be a good boy.

Off Pinocchio goes again, ready to try again. Whilst this is going on, Geppetto, being the perfect moustached father he is, is out in a storm looking for Pinnocchio. He never finds him, because Pinocchio once again is getting caught up in mischief. This time he is off to Pleasure Island, which is the worst name in the history of names for an amusement park. I won’t tell you what it makes me think of. Here he has a load of fun with all the other boys this fat man the fox and cat happen to be working for has brought to the island. Unfortunately, they are all turned into donkeys and sold to salt mines. The fat man really is a nasty kind of character, now isn’t he? To be fair, all these kids were annoying little brats, so I don’t really feel any empathy for them. Pinocchio is warned by Jiminy and escapes before being fully turned into a donkey. He still gets’ the ears and tail though. He deserves it though, don’t worry.

He finally returns home, only to find a note delivered  by a dove from Heaven, saying while Geppetto was looking for Pinocchio, he was swallowed by the monstrous whale, coincidentally named Monstro. Fun fact for the day, in the original story, this whale was big enough to swallow a train! So swallowing Geppetto should be a snap. Whatever he was doing at sea looking for Pinocchio I have no idea… Silly man.

Pinocchio, being the genius he is, decides to save his father by sinking himself to the bottom of the sea, in hopes to be consumed by this large water mammal. Um. I don’t even want to talk about why this is a bad idea, so we shall move on.

The plan works, Pinocchio is eaten. Once he is reunited with Geppetto, they build a fire, so the smoke will cause Monstro to sneeze. It works, and they are blown to shore. The Blue Fairy recognizes his actions, and makes Pinocchio a real boy. And for all of his hard work, Jiminy Cricket is awarded an official conscience badge.

As a child, this movie scared the living daylights out of me. What living daylights are, I have no clue, but I am pretty sure they no longer dwell in me, because of this movie. When all of the boys were turned into donkeys, it made me never want to go to a carnival again, lest I suffer the same fate these children did. And don’t get me started on the whale. That thing still makes me wary to go to the beach. One look at Stromboli’s face was enough to cause me to lose sleep for weeks afterwards.

Besides the frightening aspects, this movie is fairly good. It was never my favorite, and probably won’t ever be, but still, it is a solid Disney classic. Some of the characters are perfect, like the cat Figero and of course, Jiminy Cricket. Even though I was watching this on a twenty year old VHS, it was still pretty, and it some cases gorgeous to watch. Before I go, I will leave you with this question to ponder. If Pinocchio said, “My nose will grow now!” what would happen?

Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): Leslie

Best Song: “I’ve Got No Strings!” Because watching him trip down the stairs is funny every single time.

Best Part: When we first get a look at all the clocks, because some of them are remarkable pieces of craftsmanship Just look at them. I want them all. 

Number One: Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

1938

I really hate Snow White. She is by far my least favorite of all the Disney princesses. She reminds me of vanilla pudding, the weird kind that has no taste and you always regret eating. I mean what does she do? She cleans. Happily. Too happily. I don’t understand how anyone can enjoy cleaning that much. I personally hate it. I have never tried it with woodland creatures as assistants, so maybe that is the key. Though, in real life I seriously doubt that a deer would be of any use when trying to do the dishes, but it could 
be worth a shot!

I’m almost one hundred percent sure that everyone who is reading this has seen this movie approximately eighty thousand times, so you know the story. There is the typical evil stepmother, a Prince Charming, true love’s kiss, and happily ever after. You know, the usual stuff.

Evil Stepmother is “pretty.” The movie says so anyway. I think she’s actually quite hideous, especially in the latter half of the film, but hey that’s just my opinion. ES owns a magic mirror that hangs on the wall and bursts into flames when you talk to it. When I was little, I remember Magic Mirror terrified me. My three year old sister who watched it with me for the first time today said “That was really creepy.” She has also said she never wants to watch this movie again, but we will see how that goes.

ES asks Magic Mirror the famous question. “Magic mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?” Magic Mirror is a complete jerk and says that ES’ stepdaughter, Snow White, happens to own that title. Enraged, ES orders her hunter to go find Snow White and cut her heart out.

Um. I don’t understand ES’ logic here. She is in the possession of a magic mirror. Later in the film we find she has a whole basement dedicated to potions and “cookbooks” for spells. Wait, those are called spellbooks. I think. Whatever. My point is why didn’t she just use a spell that would turn her into the most beautiful woman on the world? Or why not make the potion she uses later to turn herself into a ugly hag on Snow White? Why immediately hire a hitman to take out your stepdaughter? Only five minutes into this film and we already have issues. Sigh.

While ES is plotting her demise, Snow White is cleaning away. She’s scrubbing up the courtyard of the castle, singing away. Prince Charming just happens to be riding by and hers her voice, and is instantly entranced with her. He jumps over the courtyard wall and begins to sing with her. As most people would do when a strange singing man suddenly appears uninvited in your yard, Snow White screams and runs inside. This does not deter Charming. He simply stands outside her window and continues to sing. She hears it and becomes totally smitten with the creep.

Boys, never ever ever EVER stand outside some girl’s window and sing. I know it all works out in movies, but in real life it’s just awkward and sometimes just creepy. It could also land in cops showing up, and that is never good, so just don’t.

Now it is the next day. Snow White is in the field picking flowers. Somehow she was able to get a really nice dress. This is one thing I never understood. She is kept as a servant and usually wears this dress patched together with rags. And now she wears the classic Snow White dress. Where did it come from? I bet she stole it. I guess she isn’t as innocent as she appears! As she is singing (of course) the hunter comes up with the huge knife behind her, ready to stab her heart out. She turns around and gives a little cry. The hunter is overcome with emotion and tells her to run away since ES wants her dead. So off she goes into the creepy forest, where the trees look like monsters that want to eat people.

After a while, she falls down and goes to sleep. She wakes up to a menagerie of woodland creatures. Raccoons, deer, chipmunks, birds, even a turtle! All of them are just adorable. They make the movie. They lead her to a cabin located in the woods. When they get there, Snow White decides it’s totally okay to just walk into a stranger’s house uninvited, and does exactly so. Upon entering, she notices it is extremely dirty. So she gathers up all of her animal friends, and cleans. Whilst singing, of course.

Off in a diamond mind, we meet the seven dwarfs, Doc, Happy, Sneezy, Sleepy, Bashful, Grumpy and Dopey. Here is another thing I never understood. If they are diamond miners, why do they live in a tiny two room cabin? Surely they can afford a castle, or at least a house with a bedroom for all of the, right?

They realize it is quitting time, and head home. When they arrive, they notice that their house has magically been cleaned. This freaks them out quite a bit. If I arrived home and saw that my house had been thoroughly cleaned, my first thought would be “Awesome!” not “Oh no there is a monster in my house!” Silly dwarfs.

They wander upstairs and discover Snow White. They make introductions and decide to be friends. Aww how nice.

Back at the castle, convinced Snow White is dead, ES again asks the Magic Mirror who is the fairest. Magic Mirror again says Snow White. ES throws a hissy fit and decides to disguise herself as an ugly old lady and poisons and apple to give to Snow White. I feel like this is an elaborate plan, but I’ll let this one slide.

The dwarfs go off to work again, leaving Snow White at home to cook and clean. She couldn’t be any happier. She soon gets a visitor! I bet you can guess who it is. ES tells Snow White the apple she has is a “magic wishing apple.” Snow White believes her, wishes Charming would love her, takes a huge bite, and falls to the ground, “dead.”

The woodland creatures were aware this lady was up to no good, and drag the dwarfs home. ES sees them and runs up to a cliff. As she is trying to push a bolder onto the dwarfs, the ground she is standing on it hit by a lightning bolt and she falls to her death.

The dwarfs think about burying Snow White, but decide she is pretty to look at so they keep her in a glass coffin for nine months. This is just so wrong. Even though she is not really dead, I'm sure being kept in a coffin with no oxygen for nine months would have killed her off. Prince Charming hears about this, and visits. Because he’s apparently a nasty necrophiliac, he decides to kiss the seemingly dead Snow White. Of course she wakes up as it is love’s first kiss, which fixes everything, and they go off to get married and they live happily ever after.

I know it sounds like I hate this movie. But I don’t at all. I like this movie a whole lot. I can appreciate what it has done for film and how groundbreaking it was at the time. It has stood the test of time for a reason, and that is because it really is a wonderful film. It just some details that are typical of a fairy tale one might find a bit odd. Plus this movie has introduced us to classic characters that everyone loves, or loves to hate, such as Grumpy, the Evil Queen, a magic mirror, even Prince Charming (the Disney version). I’d say this movie has well earned its spot in history as a classic. However, this does not change the fact I completely loathe Snow White. 

This paragraph does not apply to this particular film, but it’s something that is going to apply to all the movies to come. I have decided at the end of each blog to say three things instead of doing a rating thing. I’ll say who I watched this with, so they feel special, the best song (if applicable, which it usually is) and my favorite part. So here it is for Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): Katie, Kelton, and Kassy

Best Song: “Heigh Ho!” Duh.

Best Part: The turtle trying to climb up the stairs using his teeth. This movie is worth watching if only for that scene. 

For Starters

I hate writing these. These weird awkward introductions to blogs. I try to avoid them as much as possible. If I had my way I would have skipped this part and dived right into writing the actual blogs posts. But if I did that then you would have no idea what I was writing about and why I was doing it and then everyone would be so terribly confused. Since I hate having to explain things to multiple people multiple times, I guess this will just have to do.

Now that I have fully rambled on enough, it’s time to announce my newest project!

Many of you probably know this is not my first time blogging. For over a year now I’ve been writing (and ranting) about the eighty four Academy Awards Best Pictures winners. Even though I am starting this new blog, on which the subject will be revealed soon I promise, I will continue with Sparkles and Dust, and will one day finish it, I promise. That day may be seventy years from now, but it will happen! But if I waited until I finished that blog to start this one, I wouldn’t be able to begin this new one for a very long time. And this is a venture I have been wanting to do for nearly ever.

So what is it you ask? I guess I should tell you. That is the point of this whole annoying opening post thing right? Alright.

For the next fifty days, starting tomorrow, (June 27^th 2011), I shall be watching and then writing about the fifty animated Disney movies. I’ve grown up watching these movies. We all have. Unless you are one of those people who’ve never seen a Disney movies, and if that’s the case I really truly feel sorry for you. You have a lot of catching up to do my friends.

Anyway! I love these movies. Some of them rank very high on my list of all time favorites movies. Of the ones that I have seen (forty three), I have the majority of the lines in them memorized. Some of these movies I’ve seen over four hundred times!

Um, wow. Four hundred. That’s a lot… I promise you all I do have a life! I do more than watch Disney movies! I swear! I also swear I am a fully mature almost adult and I never have childish tendencies whatsoever! Um, moving on…

To clarify what that list includes, it does not include those exceedingly awful straight to DVD releases, for example Little Mermaid 2. Or Brother Bear 2. Nor will partially animated movies, such as Mary Poppins or Bedknobs and Broomsticks be included on the list (sadly). For a full list of which ones are considered on the fifty, click on this handy dandy link!

So now that you know are well informed of what I will be doing, now it is time to learn how I will be doing it. Every day I shall watch one Disney movie, starting with Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, all the way to Tangled. I shall then write some incoherent post that could resemble a review, maybe. Sometimes they just resemble word vomit, and that’s just fine with me! I’ll probably have some rating system, for example the common five star scale. But I will come up with my own. I am still in the process of working on that.

Since I will be posting every single freakin day, I will not be posting a link on Facebook like I did with S&D. That would get annoying for everyone, myself included. You can follow what movie I am on and other stuff I feel is necessary to post on my blog’s Facebook page still. I just won’t be posting individual links to each separate post.

One last note. The name. I know, it’s not the best name in the world. In fact it kind of sucks. But seriously, I am no good at naming things. I have a rat named Mouse. I had a fish named Bob. It’s just not good. So feel free to suggest some other names, and I will consider them!

I hope you all enjoy this, and are looking forward to it as much as I am! I will always welcome people who would like to watch a movie with me, as it gets lonely to watch them all by myself every time. Unless you are from one of those obscure countries I have a lot of fans from, like Malaysia or Slovakia. I’d rather you not watch them with me. Please. Just stay away.

That’s all for now. Let the adventure begin!