Number Forty Seven: Meet the Robinsons

Meet the Robinsons

2007

Movies about time travel always give me a headache. No one can ever really create a plot about going to the future without having holes the size of elephants riddling it illogical. But when you accept the fact that sometimes these films won’t make a whole lot of sense, you can begin to enjoy them.

Like Meet the Robinsons, for example. I can’t really discuss what happened in this movie, as it was full of twists and turns that were unexpected. Well, I’m not really sure if they were unexpected, as I first saw this movie four years ago. Being only thirteen, I don’t remember how I first reacted, or if I could even trust that opinion. I’ll just go with saying this movie was full of surprises, but if you watch it and think it’s dumb, that’s okay too.  

Besides being somewhat confusing, I thought this movie was cute. Colorful, funny at points, and entertaining, it really is what one would expect from a better than usual children’s film. The way it depicted the future really made me wish that the year 2037 would hurry up and get here so that I could use bubbles as transportation. I mean really, how awesome would it be to go to work floating in a bubble? Scientists need to start working on that project! Its message of always moving forward despite adversities and obstacles helps elevate it above typical family selections. At the same time, it wasn’t really outstanding. I suppose it is hard to live up to such high standards Disney has left for all of its films after creating ones like The Little Mermaid or even The Rescuers. And of course The Lion King, though I highly doubt any animated movie will ever be anywhere near as spectacular as TLK. But I digress. And now I end.

Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): Various people walked in and out of this movie. I think everyone I know is getting tired of Disney.

Best Song: N/A

Best Part: “I have a big head, and little arms!” Aw the poor dinosaur.

Number Forty Five: Home on the Range

Home on the Range

2004

“Home, home on the range, where the deer and the antelope play…” Every time I even hear of this movie, that song plays in my head, and stays stuck in my cranium for a very long time. This is only one of the problems with this movie.

Back in the Old West, there lived an infamous cow rustler named Alamida Slims. His name makes him sound like a girl, but he is in fact male. He caused many ranchers to go bankrupt by stealing all of their cattle. Without cattle, you can’t really have a cattle ranch now can you?

Maggie, a prize winning cow, was the last cow left on her ranch when Slims came through it. Now her owner cannot afford to keep her, so he sends her off to a little dairy farm called Patch of Heaven. While there Maggie tries to befriend the rest of the barnyard, but it is a little challenging for her to win over everyone in her new family. Particularly Mrs. Calloway, the strict leader of the farm. She does not care for Maggie’s loud outgoing ways. Basically she is a boring cow.

It doesn’t really matter anymore whether or not they get along, as the farm has gone bankrupt and will be sold at an auction, including all the livestock. Unless by some miracle Pearl, the owner, can come up with seven hundred and fifty dollars she’d need to pay the bank back.

What are they to do? Maggie knows! She decides to take Mrs. Calloway, Grace, the resident ditz of a cow, and go find Slims. Once found they’ll turn him into the law, and collect the reward money.

This here is why I dislike this movie. The plot is so udderly (Ha, because they are cows! Get it? I didn’t mean to type it that way, it just happened…) ridiculous. Three cows going out into the desert would never be able to survive, let alone capture a dangerous criminal. I don’t care if it’s a cartoon! That doesn’t excuse them from some forms of logic and reason!

Maybe if this film had some other redeeming qualities to make up for a brainless plot, it would have worked better. But it didn’t. All of the jokes were corny, or unoriginal, or just plain bad. None of the characters were really creative, just kind of flat and boring. Rosanne played Maggie, and the sound of her voice makes me want to scratch out my own eardrums. No movie should ever make someone desire to remove one of their body parts. That is just messed up.

Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): No one likes any of these later Disney movies. I don’t really blame them.

Best Song: “Where barely is heard, a discouraging word…”

Best Part: The peglegged jack rabbit. 

Number Forty Six: Chicken Little

Chicken Little

2005

No. This did not happen. I cannot believe it. As you probably noticed, this is movie number forty six. Yesterday was number forty four. I messed up. I didn’t check the list. I have a list you know. It is color coded and everything! I should have checked the list. I should have watched Home on the Range instead. But no. I didn’t. AHHH!

You know what; it’s not a big deal. Everyone is allowed to make mistakes right? Right! So I’ll talk about Chicken Little instead. It’s okay. Really! It is. I think. I hate making mistakes.

Chicken Little thinks the sky is falling, just like he traditionally does in most of his stories. In this case it really is. Not that anyone cares. They just consider him crazy, and continue to do so for a year. This makes him realize he must do something to impress everyone, including his father, who doesn’t seem to care about poor little Chicken. What’s a son to do?

Join the baseball team! Duh. Isn’t that every father’s dream? To have his son be in sports? I wouldn’t know, as I am a girl, and my dad knows that I have absolutely zero athletic ability. In case it wasn’t obvious by the name, Chicken is very little. Barely being able to hold a baseball bat, Chicken becomes the team’s benchwarmer.

Until the final big game that is. The other team had been playing quite a rough game, and broke most of the Acorns’, that’s the team name, star players. What is it called when there is only one player left to bat in the game? Because whatever that term is, that is what Chicken was up to do. Fortunately for him, he scores a home run, and the respect of the town.

It would be his luck that on the evening of his celebration, the sky would start falling again. A bizarre octagon enters Chicken’s room. Understandably, Chicken begins to panic. Freaking out even more after he discovers that the octagon has a chameleon like ability to blend in to its surrounding, Chicken quickly calls over his best friends, Runt, Abby, and Fish. Eventually, they discover that the piece was to a spaceship. This discovery further frightens the group. They try to warn the town, but no one believes Chicken Little anymore. He’s cried wolf too many times for them. However, once the aliens start to disintegrate people, the townspeople begin to believe Chicken and they too join in on the panic party.

Everything works out just fine though. Chicken realizes that the aliens are just after their baby, and once they give him back to his parents, they skip off to another planet. Everyone appreciates Chicken, and they probably live happily ever after.

Of course they do. Why can’t Disney ever have everyone live off terribly ever after? I think a good tragedy is just what this canon is missing. Why can’t they remake Othello or something? Well, maybe they shouldn’t. They’d probably give it a happy ending, like Iago and Othello would overcome their problems and become best buddies. The idea of such butchering really makes me want to throw up.

This movie was not good. It was SO predictable. I do not like uncreative plots. They make me not happy. Do they make anyone happy? Maybe five year olds. I am not a five year old. I demand inventive plots! Is that too much to ask? It is? Great. At least I only have five more movies left! Soon I’ll be able to watch grown up movies again! Yippee!

Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): My family.

Best Song: “Wannabe.” Shut up. I like this song. I can hear your snickering through the computer! Stop it!

Best Part: There was this bull in this movie, and he was the proud owner of a China shop. Heehee. 

Number Forty Four: Brother Bear

Brother Bear

2003 

I am going to be honest. I fell asleep while watching Brother Bear. You can’t blame me! I’ve been watching these movies for the past forty some-odd days. I’m allowed to go to Dreamworld sometimes! Besides, this movie was so utterly boring, I don’t think it’s possible to stay conscious during it. I’ve never been able to accomplish it anyway.

A probably very long time ago, there lived a tribe of crazy people. They believed in Great Spirits, and that killing bears that eat family members is wrong. This is what happens to Bear Man. He has a real name, of course, it’s just weird and I don’t remember. His brother is eaten by a bear. This makes Bear Man very angry, so he goes off to kill the bear. No one likes this plan, because it goes against the whole totem ceremony that just occurred. A totem ceremony is where the person will get an action to live by, like wisdom or guidance, or love in Bear Man’s case. Let’s just say when he found out his totem was love, he was really upset. I think I would be too, but I don’t really understand the whole totem thing, so I probably wouldn’t care.

Because he was mean and killed a bear, the Spirits turned him into one. This is why I call him Bear Man. Now he has to learn to be nice to everything, as a bear.

… This movie makes no sense! Or maybe I slept during an important part. But, I think this movie is just really ridiculous. How would turning someone into a bear make them appreciate things? Or maybe they just want him to appreciate bears? But why? Who cares if he kills a bear that killed his brother? Wouldn’t that be a good thing? Getting rid of a vicious bear? See! This movie is dumb.

And you know what? The brother didn’t even die! So what was the point of anything? I don’t know. The bear really did die though! That was bad, because the bear turned out to be the mom of a cub Bear Man befriended. This made Bear Man feel bad.

After a while, Bear Man decides to stay a bear, for some unknown to me reason. It’s so stupid! Why would anyone want to stay a bear? Unless they were crazy, of course. Then that would make sense. Well, maybe more sense. It doesn’t really matter, none of this movie made sense!

Besides the movie not making sense, it also was incredibly dull. A movie can make no sense and still be incredibly interesting! But when a movie is both baffling and boring, it makes for a horrible time. Unless you spend that time snoozing, then life is wonderful.

Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): I honestly don’t remember…

Best Song: N/A

Best Part: Falling asleep!

Number Forty Three: Treasure Planet

Treasure Planet

2002

I’m in love with my DVR. Being able to record stuff that I don’t really need to watch, like My Strange Addiction (for the record this show is awesome, even if it is a waste of time!) makes me happy. Do you know what’s even better than recording random shows that probably kill brain cells? Finding out you can record Disney movies that you are forcing yourself to watch! It’s truly excellent, as I saved a whole dollar and a trip to Blockbuster today! Woohoo!

This movie makes me happy. The storyline of Treasure Island, the book this movie is based after, has always been a favorite of mine. I mean, it had pirates! What more could someone want? Don’t say ninjas. Everyone knows that pirates would beat ninjas if it came down to a death match. Everyone knows that right? Right? Don’t tell me you are Team Ninja. That’d break my heart.

Jim Hawkins is a scoundrel of a kid. He loves to get in trouble, driving his poor distraught mother insane. One day, a sailor kind of guy crashes at the Hawkins’ family inn. I’m not sure what to call him, since this is set in space, so he’s not a sailor. Whatever. I’ll just call him Billy Bones, since that’s his name. Works for me!

Bones is injured, and dying, and looks like a turtle. While dying, he gives Jim a cube. No. Not a cube. A sphere. That’s something completely different. It’s a sphere. After he dies, a bunch of pirates come and burn down the inn. Are they pirates? I’m so confused.  Luckily Jim, his mommy, and Niles from Frasier all escape safely. Once in a better location, one that is actually not on fire, they discover the SPHERE is actually a map to a treasure planet, a planet they had only heard of in stories.

Now they must find it! Niles, really a dog type alien, and Jim find a crew and take off to find the treasure. Of course they find a corrupt crew! That would be their luck. Will they be able to find the treasure? Or will the crew win? Well wouldn’t you like to know!

You would like to know? Well then why don’t you go watch this movie? It’s a great idea! Because this was a good movie. I’ve always liked this movie. Ever since I was nine and I saw this in theatres, I’ve adored it. It probably has to do with the fact pirates have always been cool in my world. Even though these aren’t really pirates. But they are? They have ships. But they are in space. Does that make them spaceships? So are the astronaut pirates? Now I am REALLY confused. Astrates. That sounds like something unpleasant. I swear I’m not crazy.

Besides the whatever they are, this movie is just fun. It’s a good action cartoon. It’s not mindblowingly fantastic, but it’s still quite entertaining. And that’s good enough for a “children’s” film I think. Right? I’m not crazy!

Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): I think people have given up watching these with me. Losers!

Best Song: N/A

Best Part: Morph! He’s a pink blob of cuteness. He’s like a Ditto from Pokemon, but cuter. I feel way too nerdy after I made that reference. 

Number Forty Two: Lilo and Stitch

Lilo and Stitch

2002

I had the privilege of watching this movie with real live people! Who weren’t related to me! Not that I don’t love my family, I do, but when you haven’t seen anyone but them for six days, people your age are a lovely thing.

Stitch is an evil scientist’s creation. If an evil scientist creates something, it will also likely be evil. As he is evil, he is detained by the alien (oh he’s an alien too) police and his maker is sent to prison. This works for about five minutes. Stitch is a crazy little guy and is able to escape to Hawaii by spaceship.

On Hawaii lives a little girl named Lilo. She’s a loon. No really. She makes voodoo dolls in the likeness of her “friends” out of spoons and sticks them in pickle juice, as her friends must be “punished.” Talk about disturbed. It probably has something to do with the fact both of her parents are dead. Of course they are. This is a Disney movie after all. Poor parents. They never had a chance.

In a series of events that are too long to describe here, Lilo adopts Stitch, since she thinks he is a dog, is almost put in foster care by her social worker Mr. Bubbles, teaches Stitch to behave, Stitch learns the meaning of ohona, and together they beat up the mean alien cop, Gantu, which means they can live happily together not in foster care. Yay!

This movie is cute. It’s not fantastic like say, The Lion King, but it’s not horrid like other ones I have had to watch. Fantasia 2000 comes to mind in that category. It’s pleasant enough. All in all, it is not a waste of an hour and a half.

Just for the record, I would have written more, but I only have three more minutes till midnight. I really need to work on my timing. Maybe I’ll have it down by the last blog.

Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): Elliott and Leslie! Yippee!

Best Song: It wasn’t technically a musical, but I did like the soundtrack. It was a weird mixture of Elvis and traditional Hawaiian music. Odd but good. Still no real song to chose from.

Best Part: The frog, calmly watching Stitch get run over by three semi trucks. 

Number Forty One: Atlantis: The Lost Empire

Atlantis: The Lost Empire

2001

If you ask anyone who knows me, they will tell you that I am a highly opinionated person. This is probably the reason I have a blog, so I can broadcast my opinion to the entire world! Or whoever happens to be reading this. I just like to think that the whole world is, it makes me feel happy. However, this movie is confusing me, as I have no opinion on it. I don’t understand this new feeling I have encountered.

Milo is a nerd. I mean really, he spends all his time learning dead languages. He lives alone with his cat. No one wants to be his friend, or colleague, or really have much of anything to do with him. This is mainly due to the fact he is obsessed with finding the lost continent of Atlantis, which supposedly sunk many thousand years ago. Everyone just considers him crazy and attempts avoiding him at all cost.

Everyone that is except John Mahoney! Okay, in this movie his character’s name is Whitmore, but whatever, he’s an awesome actor. Anyway, Whitmore was tight buddies with Milo’s grandfather. Whitmore made him a bet that if he could find the Sheppard’s Journal, this map/guide/rule book/history for Atlantis, he would fund a trip to find the lost world, and kiss Milo’s grandpa on the mouth! He didn’t think the book existed you see. 

Let’s just say things got slightly awkward for their relationship once he found the book in Iceland.

Sadly, Grandpa died before Whitman could fulfill the other half of his promise. So instead, Milo gets the trip to Atlantis! Woohoo! He’s packed and ready to go within minutes, with a top of the line crew and everything!

This all happens within the first ten minutes or so of film. I think finding this journal, the key to proving Atlantis real, should have been slightly more difficult than it literally being dropped into Milo’s hands. I mean really! A good explorer/scientist/adventurer would have had to spend at least thirty minutes or screen time looking for it. I guess I am starting to form an opinion after all!

Now that he has his dream voyage, disaster of course strikes. The entrance to Atlantis is guarded by a giant mechanical lobster that attempts to chop ships in half with its huge claws. Most of the crew dies from its attacks. It’s refreshing to see a Disney movie kill off hundreds of people. This does not make me a psycho. Shut up!

With the few remaining people left, they finally arrive at Atlantis. At first, the people there find them threatening, but when the princess, Kida, discovers that Milo can speak Atlantian (?) she realizes how useful he would be to her.

Roughly eight thousand years ago, a huge explosion/catastrophe/something happened to Atlantis that made it sink. Once it sunk, people lost a lot of their technology and forgot how to read the old language. This was a part of the movie I don’t understand. First of all, Kida has been around those 8,000 years, because they all live extremely long lives due to magic crystals. So shouldn’t they remember the language? Maybe I missed something, or Atlatians could just be morons. You never know.

Since Milo knows how to read this ancient language, Kida takes him underwater to read a mural. The mural states that all the people and the city is alive due to the Heart of Atlantis, a god type power. Sometimes it eats a random royal family member when it gets angry, like Kida’s mom. Why it does this, is very confusing. Maybe every few millennia it gets hungry.

Now that they know what the mural says, they return to the others. Of course, all of Milo’s crew has gone bad, and they want to steal the Heart and use it as a power source. First they have to locate it. Once they do, they all discover that the Heart is a weird glowing orb of energy. The orb absorbs Kida, for reasons I do not understand. All I know is that it is bad when it does that.

Well it sort of absorbs her. A more accurate thing to say would be that she absorbed it, and now is blue and stone like. The crew tries to take her back to America, but they fail, as most of the crew decides to grow a conscience and not steal the life force of a civilization. Good for them! 

Two bad guys still remain, but they are quickly taken care of, and Kida is safely restored, as is the Heart. Milo decides to stay back in Atlantis, and the crew returned home laden with treasure from happy Atlantians. So everyone is fairly happy, probably forever, and it ends.

I still don’t know what to think. On the one hand, it was entertaining. It had enough action to keep me engaged for the full length. On the other hand it was just, meh. It wasn’t that special. I hardly remember most of it, and I only watched it a few hours ago. But it wasn’t bad. It just wasn’t necessarily good. I hate not knowing what I think.

Movie Watching Budd(y)(ies): Now that my parents are home, hopefully I can start watching these movies with people again. I hate having to watch movies alone, like I had to do today. Sniffle.

Best Song: None! Boo!

Best Part: The guy who owned a flower shop, then decided blowing things up was a better career idea. Talk about a drastic change.